Alex's Answer

My Leaving Cert is coming up and I have fallen out with my friends

Your Question

My leaving cert is approaching, my mocks went badly, my best friend on and off for 10 years ghosted me my boyfriend is really toxic and I just broke up with him and my friends exclude me since me and my old best friend aren’t friends anymore I want to stop going to school everyday is tormenting and I can’t handle it. 

Answer

Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thank you for contacting us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share how we’re feeling, but we also know how important it is to talk about our worries.  

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment, in terms of your friendships, relationship breakdowns and challenges in school.  

You have mentioned that your best friend ghosted you and as a result, your friends are now excluding you. This sounds like a hurtful and isolating experience. Friendships should be a positive experience and provide us with joy and a sense of belonging. Our friends should be supportive and make us feel good about ourselves. A healthy friend group make each other feel valued, supported, and happy.  

It can be very lonely when you feel like you are being ignored. One way of approaching this is to talk to your friends about how you are feeling excluded. Would you feel comfortable having a conversation with them around this? Sometimes it can be easier to talk to a friend one-to-one rather than trying to address them all at the same time – how would you feel about chatting to your closest friend in the group? If this seems difficult right now perhaps discussing it with a trusted adult might help. This could be a parent, caregiver, older sibling, or aunt/uncle.   

You may want to consider moving on from this friendship and to try to find healthier friendships with people who support you, build you up, and treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Knowing when to move on from a friendship can be tough, as can making new friends. Perhaps these articles may help you with whatever you decide: www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-to-break-up-with-a-friend/; www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-youre-in-a-toxic-friendship-group/; and www.childline.ie/making-friends/.  Remember, we all deserve to be surrounded by others who support and value us.  

You mentioned that you recently broke up with your boyfriend as the relationship had become toxic. This can’t have been an easy decision for you, but it sounds like you are aware that the relationship was no longer healthy. Being in a relationship means that you both should respect, trust, and care for one another. If the other individual has knowingly hurt you and your feelings, they may not be the right person to have in your life, and you may have made the right decision in ending the relationship. It is also important to remember that you have other people in your life to support you such as friends and family, those on your sports teams or at school. We can get support and comfort from various sources; it doesn’t just have to be from a relationship. Here is an article from the Childline Website which you may find helpful: www.childline.ie/coping-with-a-break-up/ 

You have also mentioned that you have your Leaving Cert coming up, but you weren’t happy with how your mocks went. Exams and exam years can be very stressful, and it is totally understandable that you may be feeling a little overwhelmed right now. It’s ok to feel like this, but it is important to manage it as best you can. It’s important that you feel prepared and ready for exams, and going to school every day will help with this. Study breaks are a good idea to help ease the stress of studying. Exercise, listening to music or reading are also good ways to help manage feelings of stress. But remember, you can only do your best, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Here are some articles on exam preparation which you may find useful: www.childline.ie/11-tips-to-help-you-prepare-for-your-exams/ and www.childline.ie/exams/. 

You might find it helpful to chat to a trusted adult about how you have been feeling lately, and the challenges that you are facing. This could be a relative, teacher, coach or neighbour.  If you find it hard to talk to those in your life whom you are close to, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.   

Thank you for reaching out to us. We are here for you if you need to talk. 

Take care of yourself,    

Alex   

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