Alex's Answer

How do I get over my mean ex-boyfriend?

Your Question

how can i get over my ex? I dated him for more then 2 years but i broke up with him because he was really mean to me, i know i deserve better then him but i cant stop missing him even tho he hurt me so much, how can i stop thinking about him? what should i do

Answer

Hi and welcome to Ask Alex.   

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and for reaching out for support. It is important to ask for help and you have made a very positive first step by putting your question out there.    

You are wondering how you can get over your ex. You say that you dated him for more than 2 years but broke up with him because he was mean to you. Firstly, it is important to note that no one has a right to be mean to you and you deserve to be treated with respect. You say you know you deserve better but can’t stop missing him and it sounds like you are finding it difficult to know what to do.  

Relationships can be difficult at times. It is completely understandable that you feel you miss him and can’t stop thinking about him, it sounds like this person was a big part of your life for more than 2 years. It is so important to ensure that you do not lose yourself in both the relationship itself as well as the break-up process. You mentioned that your ex was really mean to you, is this something he did continuously even after you shared how his behaviour made you feel? If you are in contact at the moment, does he still behave in this way? Being in a relationship means that you both should respect, trust, and care for one another. If the other individual has knowingly hurt your feelings, they may not be the right person to have in your life. You may find these articles about relationships on the Childline website helpful when asking yourself the above questions:  https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/; https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-a-healthy-relationship/    

Relationships can become like comfort blankets in which it feels good to have another person in our lives. When this is no longer there, we quite naturally miss it. However, it is also important to remember that you have other people in your life to support you such as friends and family, those on your sports teams or at school. Spending time with the other people in your life whom you love might take your mind off your ex. It might also be a good time to rediscover yourself – what are your hobbies for instance? You might find this article useful regarding things to help you handle a break up in as healthy a way as possible: https://www.childline.ie/coping-with-a-break-up/ 

It might be a good idea to discuss what’s happening for you with a trusted adult in your life. This can be a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, teacher, guidance counsellor etc, someone that you feel comfortable talking to and you trust. They may be able to support you in coming up with a plan that is right for you to help you get through this situation. It can often be the case that those around us have gone through similar situations when they were younger and can give useful advice.   

If you’re not yet ready to approach an adult in your life right now then you could contact Childline by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline is here for you anytime and we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead we can help you explore what options may be available to you.      

Thank you for your question and I hope that you find some of the information above useful.   

Look after yourself.   

Alex.  

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