Alex's Answer

Hi and welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us and for reaching out for support. It is important to ask for help and you have made a very positive first step by putting your question out there.   

You are having difficulty with breaking up with someone. You have said that it hurts when you are in the relationship as well as when you are not with that person because you have become attached to them and receive comfort and support from them. It sounds like you are struggling to understand if the relationship is right for you. You have stated that you don’t know if you are losing feelings or if you are hurt by your partner. It may be a good idea to consider what it is that your partner has done to hurt you?! 

Relationships can be difficult. Letting yourself open up to another person and trusting them to be part of your world is very daunting. It is so important to ensure that you do not lose yourself and that you are always true to you. You mentioned that your partner has hurt you, is this something they do continuously even after you have shared how their behaviour makes you feel? If so, is this person right for you? Being in a relationship means that you both should respect, trust, and care for one another. If the other individual has knowingly hurt you and your feelings, they may not be the right person to have in your life. You may find these articles about relationships on the Childline website helpful when asking yourself the above questions:  https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/;  https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-a-healthy-relationship/   

Relationships can become like comfort blankets in which it feels good to have another person to, as you said “support and comfort you” but if that changes and you feel let down, upset or under pressure by the other person it may be time to reassess if it is right for you. It is also important to remember that you have other people in your life to support you such as friends and family, those on your sports teams or at school. We can get support and comfort from various sources; it doesn’t just have to be from a relationship.  

It might be a good idea to discuss what’s happening for you with a trusted adult in your life. This can be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, guidance counsellor etc, someone that you feel comfortable talking to and you trust. They may be able to support you in making a decision that is right for you. It can often be the case that those around us have gone through similar situations when they were younger and can give useful advice.  

If you’re not yet ready to approach an adult in your life right now then you could contact Childline by phone on 1800 66 66 66, by text to 50101, or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline is here for you anytime and we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead we can help you explore what options may be available to you.     

Again, we would like to thank you for your question and I hope that you find some of the information above useful.  

Look after yourself.  

Alex.