Alex's Answer

Hello, welcome to Ask Alex and thanks for reaching out. 

You said you haven’t had your first proper kiss and are wondering when you will get a boyfriend or girlfriend. All of your friends have kissed someone and dated before, but you haven’t, and you feel lonely. You also mentioned you are trying to interact with boys outside of school but are unsure how to and wish somebody would like you. You feel they don’t because you are overweight and you’re wondering if you will ever find love. 

Thanks for being brave in sharing what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. That’s not always an easy thing to do so well done. It sounds like there’s a lot of things you’re worried about at the moment. Just to say, it is normal to feel under pressure when all your friends seem to have experience with kissing and being in relationships. It’s important to know that there is no time limit or specific age where you need to experience this too. We all go through these stages in life at different times and when it feels right for us.  

You also explained that you are trying to interact with boys outside of school. Sometimes it can feel like less pressure when you are interacting with people to make friends as opposed to making them your boyfriend/girlfriend. Being friends first can also be a nice way of getting to know someone before it (possibly) develops into something romantic; this allows you both to see if you are a good match for each other. One of the ways you could get to know people outside of school is to find out what interests you and get involved in a club/group that shares these interests. This could be anything from music and painting to skateboarding and table tennis! There is an article on the Childline website on relationships that you might find interesting: https://www.childline.ie/what-are-relationships/ . 

One of the feelings you brought up when thinking about not being in a relationship was loneliness. This is something we all experience at one time or another. Sometimes it feels like there isn’t an obvious reason for feeling lonely; we can be surrounded by people and still feel this way. By what you said, it sounds like this could have been brought on by feeling left out or isolated from your friends who have moved on to a new stage in their lives: romantic relationships. The good thing is that our feelings and emotions are not permanent. They can change from day to day. Other times, a feeling or emotion can stay with us a bit longer. One of the ways you can get support around this is by talking to someone you are close to – this person could be a parent, carer, supportive friend, older sibling, teacher, or someone else you trust. 

You also shared your concerns about people not liking you romantically because you feel you are overweight. When we’re feeling low or unliked, it can be easy to put this down to our attributes like our physical appearance. Even if you feel lost right now, it’s important to know that you are more than how you look and what you weigh. What we do, our talents, skills and behaviours also make us who we are. For instance, you reached out to us and shared things you feel worried about and asked for help. That shows bravery and strength. If you’re looking for a bit more information, there are also some articles on the Childline website that you might find helpful when trying to understand how you’re feeling: https://www.childline.ie/7-simple-things-you-can-do-to-improve-your-day/, https://www.childline.ie/how-to-deal-with-low-self-esteem/.  

Remember, Childline are always here if you want to text (50101), chat (www.childline.ie) or call us (1800 66 66 66).  The services are free and confidential, and we offer a safe place to talk about anything that is going on for you. We are available 24/7 so you can reach out whenever you need to talk. We will never judge you or tell you what to do, we’re here to listen.  

Hope to hear from you soon.  

Take care,   

Alex