Alex's Answer

Hi there, welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thanks for reaching out about what’s going on for you at the moment, and for trusting us with your thoughts. We know it can be difficult to share what’s on your mind. 

It sounds like you have various things going on for you as you mentioned having sexualized thoughts, feeling happy when you’re hurt and not feeling sympathy or empathy to others.  

Firstly, you mentioned about having sexualized thoughts and that you imagine yourself getting raped. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to have an interest in sex or to be curious about the changes that happen during puberty. Studies by human sexuality researchers indicate that these kinds of thoughts or fantasies can occur out of guilt avoidance – when we come from a background that perhaps sees sex as taboo, engaging in thoughts about rape helps us experience the sexual exploration without carrying the guilt of engaging in an act that others may look upon as “dirty”. 

Outside of our fantasy lives and in real life, when having sex and being intimate, it is crucial that each person gives their consent, as no one has the right to touch us without our permission. Sexual consent means willingly agreeing to take part in any and all sexual activity. It is important to know too that you can change your mind at any time. When consent is obtained this can result in healthy, safe, respectful and enjoyable sexual experiences for all involved. You can learn more about consent here: https://www.childline.ie/consent/  

Secondly, you say that you feel like a psychopath. The term “psychopath” is generally used to describe a person who is callous, unemotional and morally depraved and the image we have of a psychopath is a cold, heartless, inhuman being. It is okay not always having empathy for others. It can be tough to do this when our mind is not in the best place or when we are having difficulty in our own lives. In instances like these, it can be hard to fully understand what is going on for someone else and to show them empathy. It can also be difficult to show empathy when we don’t fully understand what is going on for another person. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we are psychopaths, it could just mean that we are going through a challenging period ourselves and that our focus is inwards at this time. 

It is important that we talk about our feelings and what is going on for us. Sometimes speaking with a trusted adult can be helpful. They may be able to offer support and advice for dealing with your feelings around what is going on for you right now. This trusted adult could be a parent, teacher, aunt, uncle, etc., whoever you feel comfortable with who will take the time to listen and help you. 

You are very welcome to talk to the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66, by text on 50101, or through web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Our services are free, non-judgmental and confidential. Childline is here for you whenever you would like to talk or chat, and we really would love to listen to you. Childline offers you the space to talk about whatever you choose. You don’t need to have a problem to get in touch with us, but we are here for you then too. We will explore what options are available to you, and you can come back to us as many times as you feel you need to.  

Remember, you are not alone. 

Take care of yourself, we hope to hear from you soon,  

Alex