Alex's Answer

Being abused or overreacting

Your Question

Am I being abused, or am I just overreacting? I’m 14 years old and sometimes I feel like my dad isn’t being, like, idk, a good dad. Sometimes, if something slightly bad happens, the most recent being me stealing some of his biscuits, he’ll be really angry, like, I don’t think it’s appropriate. He’d shout and call me fat and ugly, he’d threaten to break my stuff and threaten to hurt me, and my mam wouldn’t help me, she’d just agree with him or ignore me. I understand that, in this scenario, it’s my fault, but he’s scary, and he doesn’t do this to just me, he does it to my other brothers too. One time, my 3 year old brother was crying because we were leaving a placed he liked, and after a while, my dad got annoyed and hit him, which made my brother cry more. Like, I don’t know if I’m, like I said, overreacting, because he’s usually nice. I think. I don’t really know, I just want another, unbiased perspective.

Answer

Hey there,
 
Firstly, we want to say that we hear you, and your feelings are valid. It’s really brave of you to reach out and look for another perspective. No one should ever make you feel scared or unsafe, especially not someone who is supposed to love and protect you. It’s not okay for your dad to react with anger and violence, whether it’s about biscuits or anything else. Your dad’s behaviour, like shouting, name-calling, and threatening, is not normal or acceptable.
 
It’s important to understand that what you’re experiencing is not your fault. No one deserves to be treated the way you described. It’s concerning that your mam isn’t stepping in to protect you and your siblings either. Your safety and well-being should always come first. If you ever feel scared or in immediate danger, please don’t hesitate to reach out to emergency services at 999 or 112.
 
It is important that you speak to somebody you trust who can help you through your home experiences. Do you have another family member you feel comfortable talking to, or maybe a teacher? It is the responsibility of the adults in your life to make sure that you are living in a safe home, without the fear of violence and abuse. This article may be helpful for you in understanding what abuse is www.childline.ie/what-is-abuse/.
 
You are never alone in this. There are people who care about you and want to help. Childline is here for you 24/7. You can talk to someone who will listen and support you without judgment. Whether you need someone to talk to or want to explore your options, Childline is just a call or click away. You deserve to feel safe and loved, and there are people who can help you make that happen. You can phone us for free on 1800 66 66 66 or have a web chat with us through Messenger at Childline.ie, just click the purple chat circle). The team is here 24-hours a day, every day, waiting to support you.
 
Take care of yourself, we hope to hear from you again soon,
Alex

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