Alex's Answer

Wrong to know random people

Your Question

Hey Alex. So basically I’m 13 and something that concerns me is how attached I get to people who show me even the slightest bit of attention… it’s mainly men around the ages of 18-25, I know it’s wrong to know random people like that but why? 

Answer

Hello there!

Welcome to Ask Alex and well done on reaching out. You say you feel you get very attached to people who show you even the slightest bit of attention. It’s a normal reaction to be happy if someone was to give you attention, but it sounds like you feel you get too attached to the person that gives you this attention. It’s important that you are safe and happy in any interactions you have with people.  

We are not sure what the attention you’re getting is or where you’re getting it from, is it online or in person? It sounds like it’s from random people you don’t know well. You have also told us that you are 13 and its mostly men aged 18-25 giving you the attention, Again, it’s important that you are safe in these interactions. Here is some more information on how to keep yourself safe online  www.childline.ie/online-safety/.  

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining personal safety and well-being. It’s important to recognise your own comfort levels and communicate them clearly to others. This might involve specifying what types of interactions you’re comfortable with, how much personal information you’re willing to share, and what your expectations are for communication.
 
Remember that it’s ok to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or goes against your boundaries. Trust your instincts and prioritise your own safety and comfort above all else.
 
We would be hugely concerned if you were meeting these adults face-face also. If you are meeting older men in person, safety precautions are crucial. Always arrange to meet in a public place where there are plenty of people around, such as a café or a park. Bring a friend along and arrange to meet in a group setting for added safety. Let your parents/carers know where you are going and who you are meeting. Trust your instincts; if something feels off or uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to leave the situation immediately.
 

It is normal to want some attention, but always know to make sure it is the correct type of attention. Can you think of other people or places you are able to have attention but where you are safe and feel listened to? This could be at a youth club, sports club, with your friends, family or another trusted adult. 

Childline is also here to listen to you if you would like to talk to us. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and we will help you explore your thoughts and feelings. We can look at what your best and safe options are. It is a completely confidential, non-judgmental chat. Our free phone service is 1800 66 66 66  or you can chat with us through our webchat service, by clicking on the purple Messenger circle at www.childline.ie. 

Please remember that you are not alone, and we are always here to listen. 

Take care of yourself at all times, 

Alex 

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