Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex,

You are telling us you are feeling annoyed, as there was an Open Mic Night you had organised to go with your friend, but their guardians said no. You are telling us it is only once a month that it happens and you were really looking forward to going and singing. You are upset about it.

We are sorry you didn’t get to go. Changes can be frustrating and upsetting, especially the ones we have no control over. As a teenager, there is only so much you can do to get plans going, as someone else is responsible for your wellbeing, so they will decide if they feel is safe to go, and if it fits in between the rest of their responsibilities.

When things are out of our control, the only thing we can do is try to regulate ourselves. We believe you have started this process already, when you wrote to us to express how you were feeling. Let us tell you that we are proud you used “I”-messages”, as they are key when trying to explain to others how we feel in an assertive way. Were you able to communicate how you felt to any trusting adult? Talking to someone might not change the fact that the plan is not happening, but most times we feel better when someone else acknowledges how we feel and accompany us in the feeling. It could be useful too to let them know as well, how much it means to you to go to a certain event and look for ways together to ensure you can make it.

Talking to someone is an important way to calm down when we feel upset, but it is not the only way. There are certain things or activities or some people’s presence that may make us feel as if we were being cuddled. We can use those things, activities or look for that person’s presence to calm down. Can you think of any that might work for you in a moment of need? Is there anything that you are using already?

Here are some ideas of soothing activities in case you cannot think of any: breathing, walking, exercising, drinking something warm, taking a long shower, watching your favourite movie, drawing, or painting, yoga, listening to music, playing an instrument, humming, or singing your favourite songs. These are only a few, everyone has their own.

Remember that if you need to talk to someone about anything at all, Childline is here for you. Our free phone service is 1800 66 66 66 or you can chat to us through our webchat service, by clicking on the purple Messenger circle on www.childline.ie.

We hope this helps and that you are feeling better.

Take care of yourself,

Alex