Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex, 

Thank you for reaching out, we know how difficult it could be for young people to ask for help. It seems you are struggling quite a lot. You have explained that you get very angry at your parents, to the point you hit yourself or purge to throw up. You expressed it annoys you to take care of your sister, and that it is so intense that you just want to hurt yourself.  

We are very sorry you are feeling this way. You sound very upset, it must feel like a very heavy load to take care of your sister. We wonder what else is piling up there to make you feel so angry at your parents. Anger can cover a lot of different feelings, like sadness or frustration. Anger itself only lasts for a few minutes, but if it lingers on, then there is something else other than just anger.

It would be a good exercise to learn about your triggers, what puts you up in that lather, both the big things  – such as something offensive being said or not feeling listened to-, and the small things  -being late or having a tiny disagreement with a friend-. It helps to write things down, reflect on the day, and put some order into our thoughts, and to check with our feelings before they get out of hand. Asking yourself questions like “how am I feeling now?”, “why am I feeling annoyed at the moment?”, “what has upset me the most?”, “has something happened during the day that made me feel unhappy or annoyed?”, “where does it hurt?”.  

When we struggle, having someone to talk to can make a huge difference. Do you have someone who supports you in moments like this? Is there anyone there for you? Talking to a friend can help at times. Other times, we really need an adult to help us out, to find proper help and to support us or even mediating while talking to our parents. That adult can be another family member, a teacher or another professional. Here is an article from the Childline website that may be helpful for you www.childline.ie/8-things-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed-at-home/. Another is www.childline.ie/reconnecting-with-your-parents-or-siblings-after-a-fight/ . 

We are concerned about your self-harm. It does make sense that at times when things get heated and very upsetting you have found that hurting yourself could take your mind off it, but hurting yourself can do more harm than good, and it could lead to undesired outcomes. Getting professional support could help you to communicate your pain in other ways, to learn different and healthier coping mechanisms, and to find a way to solve your worries little by little. Pieta House could be of great help in this case, as they dedicate all their efforts to the prevention of suicide, and they would be familiar with low mood states and self-harm behaviour. www.pieta.ie  

If you need someone to talk to and you are not ready to contact Pieta House or another trusted adult, know that Childline is always here for you. We can be reached by phone or live chat, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Our phone number is 1800 66 66 66; to live chat with us click on the orange Live Chat button on the right-hand side of the screen. 

We hope this helps! We would love to chat with you soon. 

Wishing you all the best, 

Alex