Pat's Answer

I’m unsure about coming out to my family

Your Question

I dont want to comeout to my family because I feel like they will either think it’s a phase and not believe me or not like me even more than usual, i have came out to friends an one family member and they have all been supportive and kind but the family member insinuated that my me choosing not to come out to the rest of the family I’m hiding myself and my identity and that I shouldn’t lie to them. But I dont see it that way I think that since we dont have the best relationship anyways I dont feel that they deserve to know what my sexuality is. But thing not to tell them is probing harder than I expected because I always want to tell everyone when somthing has happened and hiding it is over all making me more anxious around my family what do you think i should do?


Hello, and welcome to Ask Pat. 

Thanks so much for sharing what’s going on for you at the moment. We understand that it is sometimes difficult for young people to open up and seek support from others when things are bothering them. Talking about and sharing a problem with someone else is a big step and you are very brave for doing so. 

You mentioned having discussed your sexuality with your friends and a family member and you felt very supported by them. It’s fantastic to hear that they were supportive and showed you kindness. However, the family member you spoke to is suggesting that you are hiding your sexual identity and not being honest about it with the rest of your family. You have reservations about telling your family as you don’t have a great relationship with them and don’t believe they have the right to know about your sexuality. You also mentioned feeling more anxious when around your family, as it’s been difficult not to be open about what’s going on in your life.  

It sounds like you are not sure if you would like to share this information with your family at this time, which is absolutely fine as you have a right to privacy. In making a decision about whether to have this conversation, it is important to consider what it is that you would like to do and what makes you feel comfortable. Your voice is the most important voice in this situation, and you have the right to be respected and heard. While other people may give their opinions and advice, the decision to speak to your family is ultimately yours. Going at a pace that feels safe and comfortable for you is very important. 

There are services available in Ireland which provide support and information to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people: ;  are just some of the websites that you can look at which may give you a better understanding about what’s going on for you. Also, the National LGBT Helpline is available on 1890 929 539. Available: Monday – Thursday (6.30pm – 10pm), Friday (4pm-10pm), Saturday and Sunday (4pm-6pm). 

If you would like to talk more about how you are feeling, the Childline service is also available to listen to you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. At Childline, we are focused on you and what is important to you. The team do not judge anything you say but will listen to everything you wish to share. You can contact us through our telephone service 1800 66 66 66, through our text service 50101, or by web chat that you can access through the website  

Thank you for getting in touch and sharing your thoughts and feelings.  Mind yourself and know that Childline is here for you, if you would like to share more. 

Take Care,  


Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there’s nothing too big or small.