Alex's Answer

I want to see someone without an adult there

Your Question

I want to see someone im not allowed to see by myself as I have to have an adult present as I’m in foster care and I really want to see them but I’m scared of the conquences what should I do


Hi and welcome to Ask Alex,
Thank you for using this space to reach out and look for some guidance regarding an issue you have. You are saying that you “want to see someone you are not allowed to see by yourself and that you need an adult present.” You have also mention that you are in foster care. However, you have not mentioned who the person you want to see is, but you’ve mentioned that you need an adult present to go to them.
Have you tried discussing this with your foster carer or social worker? Having an open conversation with your foster carer would be a good idea to discuss why you want to see this person and let them know how much it means to you. They are there to provide you with support and guidance, and they would want what is best for you. By asking the question, you are giving yourself the opportunity to explain why this is important to you and to hear their perspective on the subject. If you don’t ask the question, you won’t know the answer, and you’ll just assume their response without giving them a chance to be involved in any way. For a conversation like this, we suggest that you pick a quiet time when both your foster carer and you have time to listen and engage in a serious conversation. Time and space are vital here, as trying to discuss it during a busy or loud time may lead to frustration and a lack of concentration on the subject, which won’t be helpful for anyone and could affect your ability to explain why the subject is so important to you.
You have also mentioned that you are “scared of the consequences.” Is this fear related to seeing the individual or doing it without an adult? It’s important to protect yourself and your mental health. If you anticipate negative consequences from seeing the individual you want to see, you should consider if it’s the best decision for you right now. You could create a pros and cons list, outlining all the positives of seeing the individual alongside a list of all the negatives, to help you determine what is the right thing for you. You could also share this list with your foster carer to demonstrate that you’ve put a lot of thought into it and believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Without having exact details, it’s challenging to fully address your question. If there are legal provisions in place that prevent you from seeing this individual, it might be difficult to move forward. Speak with your social worker, and they should be able to clarify any such circumstances and explain why they might be in place.
If you don’t feel ready to discuss this matter with the people in your life just yet, please know that you can contact Childline. You can reach us by phone at 1800 66 66 66 or through our Live Chat at Childline is here for you anytime, and our services are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s a free and confidential service.
We hope that the information provided above will help you in making the best decision for yourself. Thank you for sharing, and please feel free to reach out anytime you need assistance.
Take care of yourself,

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