I keep having these thoughts about being abused
I hyper sexualize myself often for no reason at all along with constant thoughts of being severely abused and raped not like fantasies more the opposite the thought of it makes me utterly sick I hate the thought of sex at all it’s like a deed disgust in side me some times thinking of makes me feel physical pain . Also I have a continuous fear no matter where I am that anyone someone will hurt me really in any physical way like something as simple as walking through an aisle he store it’s a daunting thought that just thing in the back of my it’ll come out of nowhere why does this happen?
Thank you for reaching out to Ask Alex with how you are feeling and what has been going on for you.
You have said that you have constant thoughts of being severely abused and raped and that you also have a continuous fear that someone will hurt you in a physical way and you want to know why this happens. These sound like very intrusive thoughts that are overwhelming for you. You have been so courageous in reaching out and expressing these feelings and it takes a big level of self-awareness to be able to notice your thoughts like that, you have done the right thing in reaching out and taking the first step in getting help with how to manage these thoughts and feelings.
Having awareness is the first key step in helping address these overwhelming thoughts. Our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are all linked together, so if we can intervene in one of these areas it may be able to help with the others. You are also wondering why these thoughts happen, that is a very good question, and it could be for several reasons, it could be related to a past experience that you had where you felt unsafe or even a past experience that happened to someone close to you. One thing that can really help here is talking to someone you trust about these thoughts; this may be a friend or family member or even a coach or teacher. A trusted adult will be able to help you access professional support with this to further understand and learn why this is happening to you. You can go to your GP who can refer to counselling services or it may help to look at this article on our website https://www.childline.ie/getting-help/
If you don’t feel ready to reach out to someone you trust just yet, you can always chat to us in Childline. We have a 24/7 confidential listening service where we can listen, support and explore possible options with you. Our freephone number is 1800 666 666 or you can also go to www.childline.ie where you will be able to access the Live Chat option (the orange tab on the righthand side of your screen). Nothing is too small or too big to ask us and we will never judge or tell you what to do, we are here to listen and support you.
We hope that this has been helpful for you,
Take care of yourself,