Pat's Answer
I have a lot of issues
Your Question
Hi Pat,
I have a lot of issues.
My family are abusive towards me. I haven’t done anything wrong, but they create things to give out to me for, such as asking me to do something and then giving out to me for doing it. I could ask for something and they would say no, but then my brother would ask the same thing and they would say yes. I’m transgender and I have been since I was about 5 (I’m 14). Back in October my parents caught me with one of my mam’s bras in my wardrobe. They were asking me if I was using it to pleasure myself, but they wouldn’t let me explain that I’m trans. I then overheard them saying, “Is he a cross-dresser? That’s fu*king disgusting!”. And whenever someone trans or a cross-dresser comes on TV, they laugh and call it ridiculous. Now, I’m afraid to tell them I’m trans because I think they’re transphobic. They make me feel horrible and treat me like a mistake every single minute of my life. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little kid and I’ve recently started cutting myself. I arranged an appointment with one of my school’s guidance counsellors in September, but she just treated me like a waste of time, and the last time I used the Childline live chat, the person I was talking to questioned everything I said and acted as if I was just having a laugh. This has made me feel as if I can’t talk to anyone about my problems. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Answer
Hi, you are very welcome to Ask Pat. Thank you for your question.
It sounds like you have a lot going on right now; you feel like your family are abusive towards you, you are afraid to tell them you are trans, you have started cutting yourself and have had issues when reaching out for support in the past.
We are sorry you are going through all of this right now. You are very brave getting in touch and looking for support that you deserve. You have a right to be happy and feel safe, and you have the right to be listened to and be heard. Your parents have a responsibility to look after you, to care for you and to listen to you. You are also well within your rights to talk to another adult you trust and feel comfortable talking with, do you have an aunt/uncle, grandparent or another adult you could speak to?
Your sexual identity is a part of what makes you unique! It’s understandable you fear telling your parents and that you are worried about how they will react so it’s important you do this at your own pace. You have a right to be accepted for who you are and a right to get support. Talking can really help.
There are support groups to help you. How would you feel about getting in touch with them? You might find it helpful to look at the following websites: www.lgbt.ie; www.spunout.ie; www.belongto.org. There are lots of articles on these websites which you may find useful. The Childline website also has information about identity and our individual uniqueness that you might be interested in reading: www.childline.ie/sexuality/.
We are concerned to hear you feel the need to self-harm. Well done on reaching out and seeking help. It is important for your mental well-being that you get the help and support you deserve and to talk about why you feel you want to harm yourself. How would you feel about talking to your GP? There are organisations that can help people who are self-harming: www.pieta.ie – this website offers valuable information and how to access supports. Childline is there to listen when you feel the urge to cut, we are here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
We are sorry to hear your experience of chatting with Childline in the past was not what you hoped. If you would like to try again the Childline Team are available by phone on 1800 66 66 66, by text on 50101 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline services are free, non-judgemental and confidential.
It was great hearing from you, and please do contact us anytime.
Take care of yourself and be safe,
Pat