I feel like my presence around others is destructive
I feel like my presence around others is destructive, and that with me around, people are being hurt or upset. What should I do?
Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex.
You are telling us that you feel your presence around others is destructive and that with you around people are being hurt or upset. You then ask us what you should do.
Feelings are how we experience our emotions and give meaning to them. They are different for everyone. For example, you might associate your hands shaking with feeling anxious. Feelings at times can be upsetting, scary or confusing, especially if we don’t know why we are feeling that way, but feelings are just feelings, and they do not determine who we are at all. You could feel that you are not being a good friend, but that doesn’t mean you are really a bad friend. You can feel that way for certain reasons, of course, but it still doesn’t mean your friend would think that about you, it doesn’t make it more realistic just because you feel it.
It seems you are feeling pretty low and telling yourself hurtful things. We wonder why that would be and if something has been going on to make you think this way. Maybe, if you are feeling low, you have also been irritable or angry; maybe because of that you have said or done something you regret. Maybe you are giving yourself the blame of something when a lot of different things could have been the reason why it happened. Independently of what you did, said or assumed, it is never a good idea to blame yourself for anything or call yourself names. Instead of that, we can think about what happened and review if there was something we could have done differently to change the result we got or if we really had anything to do with it at all.
If we have done something that has upset or hurt someone, we can always apologise to that person and look for a way to avoid it from happening. Sometimes we need to understand better how that happened before we are able to fix anything, that’s why communication is so important. You may find some of these articles helpful from our website: www.childline.ie/how-to-combat-automatic-negative-thoughts-ants/; www.childline.ie/stop-beating-yourself-up-why-we-all-need-more-self-compassion/ .
Talking to someone we trust is always helpful to reduce bad feelings and getting a better understanding of the ongoing situation, especially if it is overwhelming us too much to be able to think clearly. That person can be a friend or an adult who can be there to listen and support you. If you couldn’t think of anyone at the moment, you can always call Childline any time of the day, any day of the week, and they will support you. They can be reached through the free phone 1800 66 66 66 or using the live chat at www.childline.ie. You can start a chat at any time by clicking on the Orange Live Chat button on your screen.
We hope you get to talk to the people around you and solve this situation you feel you are in. Do not hesitate to contact again if you need it!
Take care of yourself,