Pat's Answer
I feel like everything is going wrong. I am too anxious to go out with my friends but then get anxious when my friends go out without me.
Your Question
I feel like everything is going wrong I am to anxious to go out with my friends but then get anxious when my friends go out without me I want to be friends with different people but scared my friends will be mean about it cause that’s how they are but they’re always “joking” around and making fun of me to make other people laugh I can’t understand why they do this and everytime I bring it up they just laugh at me saying I’m sensitive and they know I get anxious and everytime I do they call me over dramatic and if I say I don’t want to do something (like going out) I get bullied into doing it anyway and I hate it. But i don’t know if the people I want to become friends with would like me
Answer
Welcome to Ask Alex,
Thank you for contacting us with your concern. We know it can be very difficult for anyone to open up and discuss their worries and fears, but it’s so important to offload these concerns and get the support you need.
We’re very sorry to hear that you feel like everything is going wrong for you now. Feeling anxious about going out and experiencing anxiety around missing out when others do so without you must be very draining. From what you have told us, it sounds like your friend group make fun of you and use your anxiety as an excuse to say you are overdramatic and sensitive.
It is very important that we surround ourselves with people who will support, encourage, respect and be kind to us. Friendships are a vital part of our life and ensuring that we have good, healthy relationships is major contributor to our wellbeing. Having people who make fun of us to entertain others is not what we would call a healthy friendship and is likely to add to your anxieties. A true friend would understand and listen to you when you speak about feeling anxious and would not put undue pressure on you to do something you did not want to do. We see you mentioned that you wanted to be friends with different people. It is important to explore and try different relationships. We understand it can be a scary thing to do but it might just be worth it in the long run. Trying new friendships out could allow for a better, more positive outcome for you.
It can be useful to talk to others about this. Would you have a trusted adult you could discuss it with? This can be a family member like parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, or someone outside of the family like a teacher, neighbour or sports coach. You might find that some of the adults in your life may have gone through a similar situation when they were younger and would be able to give you advice. What is important here is you, and that you are treated with respect and kindness.
If you feel that you do not have a trusted adult you can speak to right now, keep in mind that Childline is here and ready to listen to any concerns or issues you may have. Childline is a free and confidential listening service which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can contact Childline through a telephone service on 1800 66 66 66 or text service on 50101 or by web chat which you can access at www.childline.ie. Other websites that you might find helpful are www.youthworkireland.ie – they launched Be Well: A Support Pack for Young People to Identify and Address Anxiety. Another useful website is www.jigsaw.ie, they are a mental health organisation and do work around anxiety and young people. You are not alone in dealing with these difficulties, there are many groups and organisations out there to help you.
We hope that you find the information above helpful. Look after yourself and know that you have made a very brave and positive move forward in reaching out for help.
Thanks for getting in touch and mind yourself.
Alex