I feel guilty for being sad all the time
I feel guilty for being sad all the time. I have no valid reason for being sad; I hurt myself and want to die but I don’t have a horrible traumatising life. I came out to my parents as non-binary and they yelled at me for a couple of hours and I’m alone at school but that’s about the worst that’s happened; I feel like because of that I don’t deserve to get help because my sadness isn’t valid which makes me bottle up and makes me feel so much worse. I feel so alone. I feel like I’m stuck in a loop and it’s just getting worse. I don’t know what to do, especially since it’s my Leaving Cert year and I don’t think I can even cope with that stress with everything else on me right now.
Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.
Thank you for contacting us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share our innermost thoughts and worries, but we also know how important it is to talk about how we are feeling. You have been very brave in reaching out so well done for doing so.
We are concerned to hear that you hurt yourself and want to die. You have the right to be alive and you have the right to feel safe and happy. You also have the right to seek help and support around how you are feeling and the thoughts you are experiencing. Have you considered what it might be like to seek professional help? You could talk to your doctor or to a counsellor and share your recent feelings of sadness. There are also plenty of other services available which you can learn about at the following websites: www.pieta.ie; www.jigsaw.ie and www.yourmentalhealth.ie. You might find these articles on the Childline website helpful too: https://www.childline.ie/suicide/, www.childline.ie/how-i-feel/ and https://www.childline.ie/how-to-tell-someone-im-having-thoughts-of-suicide/. It is vitally important for your wellbeing that you receive support around these difficult feelings.
At Childline, we believe that talking makes us stronger. Sharing our feelings with the people in our lives can be a difficult thing to do because we are never sure about how the other person will respond, what they will think or what they will say to us. However, carrying the weight of our problems alone and not sharing them with others can be more harmful to our wellbeing than facing our fear of telling someone what we are thinking and feeling. Also, other people may never realise that we are not okay if we don’t say it out loud! They cannot help if they don’t know that help is needed. Like you have said, bottling things up has made you feel so much worse. You were very brave in coming out as non-binary to your parents. What do you think it would be like to share with them or another trusted adult how you have been feeling lately? If you are nervous about starting the conversation it might be helpful to write it down on paper or even practice the conversation in the mirror. Writing things down in itself is a little release and can help lighten the load. When you feel ready, ask the trusted adult if they can sit down and have a conversation about the sadness and stress you are feeling, particularly now that you have started your Leaving Cert year. This trusted adult may be a parent, teacher, friend or relative.
Remember, you deserve to be listened to and to have your feelings heard. Your feelings are valid, and you are not alone. If you feel that you are not ready yet to talk to someone you know, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team through our web chat on www.childline.ie, by text on 50101 or you could call on 1800 66 66 66. Childline Listening services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Thank you for reaching out to us.