Alex's Answer

I don't feel loved

Your Question

Is it ok for my stepdad to touch my bum? He used to do it a lot when I was 10-13 and kinda stopped because I self-harmed myself at 11 because of it and because he would call me degrading names such as a whale and a cow. In around that time my sister was born and everything got worse and I just didn’t feel loved so I self harmed because of that too. But now looking back at him slapping my ass and telling me I’ve big tits for only being 12 makes me want to throw up. I still look up to him but I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over that.


Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of courage to seek support, so well done.
It’s concerning to hear about how your stepdad has treated you. It’s not okay for him to touch you in this way, nor is it acceptable for him to call you names and make degrading comments. You have the right to be safe and to be treated with respect and dignity.
You mention that you still look up to him but are unsure if you can get over what he has done. It’s completely understandable to have mixed feelings towards him. When adults act inappropriately towards young people, it can be very confusing. This often leads to the young person feeling disgusted, humiliated, angry, and guilty. Remember, it’s not your fault, and nobody deserves to be abused in any way.
You also mention dealing with the arrival of your sister and the difficult feelings that arose. People sometimes self-harm when overwhelmed by difficult feelings, but there are more beneficial ways to cope.
Talking about these issues can be tough, but you shouldn’t have to cope alone. Reach out to someone you trust, like a teacher or a trusted adult in your family. Choose a private time to talk and let them know you have something important to discuss. If you’re nervous, consider writing your thoughts down in a letter and find a safe way to give it to them. Have a plan to help cope after the conversation, as it might bring up difficult feelings again. You may also find some support from, which is an organisation which supports people who self-harm.
Remember that Childline is here for you if you want to talk about this or anything else. Call us free at 1800 66 66 66 or reach out through Live Chat at Childline is a non-judgmental and confidential service, providing a safe space to talk 24/7. There is always somebody here to listen to you.
Take care of yourself, and please reach out again soon,

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