Pat's Answer

I am worried my dad will end up being like my grandfather

Your Question

My dad grabs my waist and stands awkwardly and uncomfortably close to me. He also forced me and all of my siblings to kiss him on the lips. He also talks about my figure and how i’m physically maturing. He also kissed my sister in the neck. I’m not with him because i worried that he would end up being the same as my grandfather (he sexually assaulted one of my family members). Should I tell my grandmother about it? I fear she will not believe us or will think we are exaggerating. Also, I fear ever having to see him again and I dont think he’s aware that he makes us uncomfortable


Hello, you are very welcome to Ask Pat.  

Thank you so much for trusting us with your thoughts. We know it is not always easy to do so. 

You say your dad has been making you feel uncomfortable, that he forces you and your siblings to kiss him on the lips and that he kissed your sister on the neck. You are telling us that your dad speaks about your figure and how you are physically maturing. You say you are not with him and you are worried he could sexually assault you like your grandfather did to another family member. You are asking if you should tell your grandmother, but you are afraid she will not believe you. You fear having to see you dad again and you do not think he is aware he makes you and your siblings uncomfortable. 

We are quite concerned about what is happening for you with your dad. No one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable, force you to kiss them or touch you in an inappropriate manner. Your dad does not have the right to make you or your siblings uncomfortable. You mentioned you are not with your Dad; would we be right thinking you and your siblings live with your grandmother? If you feel you are in danger when in your dad’s presence at any time, you can contact the emergency services at 999 or 112. You have the right to be always safe.  

You are taking the right steps in reaching out and seeking help. That is such a brave thing to do. You have a right to get help and support for everything you have mentioned. You have the right to be listened to and to be heard, around what you and your siblings are experiencing. You mentioned you fear your grandmother will not believe you. Would there be another trusted adult that you could go to? Sometimes talking about what we are going through with a trusted adult can help us to make decisions. We know that it can be hard to open up to someone who is close to us, so maybe talking to somebody outside of your family who you are comfortable talking to might work better for you at first.  

Here is some information and articles that you might find helpful. Túsla is the Child and Family Agency in Ireland. In Túsla, there are social workers whose job it is to make sure that all people under the age of 18 are safe. You can find your local Túsla office here There are some articles on the Childline website which may also help you with your question,;    

You do not have to go through this tough time alone. Childline is here for you and we really would love to listen to you. At Childline we are focused on you and what is important to you. The services are free, confidential and available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. The team do not judge anything you say but will listen to everything you wish to share. You can contact us through our telephone service 1800 66 66 66, through our text service on 50101, or by web chat that you access through the website    

We hope that you find some of the above helpful. Remember, you have already made a great attempt in reaching out and describing what’s going on for you. If you have any more questions, please do get in touch with us, whichever way you feel most comfortable; phone, text or web chat.    

We really hope to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself,    


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