Alex's Answer

Hi there, 

Thank you so much for contacting Ask Alex with your question today. 

We are so sorry to hear that you have lost a loved one, it can be extremely tough to deal with the loss of someone important in your life. You ask how to deal with this, and how to deal with the sadness that is there for you every day. 

Firstly, it’s important to say that grief can be completely different from person to person, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time limit on coming to terms with the fact that this person is no longer with you, so don’t put any pressure on yourself. There are a whole number of different feelings we can experience when someone we love dies, you mentioned sadness. You could also experience shock, anger, guilt, depression, but again everyone experiences grief differently and in their own way. There are stages of grief, and people switch back and forth between these as they come to terms with their loss. Perhaps this article on the Childline website will be helpful for you www.childline.ie/experiencing-a-death-or-loss/

One of the most important things to remember during this time is to give yourself time to process what has happened. Allow yourself the space to grieve, and to think and reflect on the person who has died, and maybe there are some personal ways you would like to remember your loved one. Each person is individual in their grief, maybe it would be helpful to be around people who will allow you to talk about the person, their qualities, the part they played in your life and how much it meant to you. Give yourself permission to talk about their death, what happened and how you felt if that is what you want to do. Perhaps keeping a diary/journal to record your thoughts could be helpful and allow you to process how you are feeling. 

Certain rituals can sometimes be helpful too, if there is a grave or similar place to visit, to feel a sense of connection to your loved one and give you a chance to remember and reflect on your relationship. Grief can sometimes catch us off guard, whether that’s when we hear a certain song, or when a memory can come into our mind out of the blue, let your emotions out or even have a certain time where you open the flood gates and have a cry. 

Just remember, grief is normal and painful, it will get better with time and the happy memories will come to the fore. You do not have to go through this process alone, talking about how you’re feeling is an important part of processing your feelings and coming to terms with the loss of your loved one. Childline are always here 24/7, if you wanted to talk to someone anonymously about how you are feeling, whether that’s by giving us a call on 1800 66 66 66 or sending a message via LiveChat on this website. 

Take care and be kind to yourself, 

Alex