Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex! 

You say you think you are bisexual because you feel attracted to both males and females, but you don’t know if you are 100% bisexual. 

That is very interesting! Thank you for reaching out. It seems you are exploring your sexuality, which is great, and looking for something that defines how you feel. Sometimes we turn to labels to explain or define more clearly how we feel and that’s alright. Labels can be a huge source of self-understanding for some people, and especially those of us who are part of the LGBTQ community. Because we live in a society where, for the most part, everyone is assumed and expected to be straight and cisgender, finding the words to define yourself can be an act of liberation. Labels can help connect people to one another, allowing them to feel less alone and to create a community together. Labels also allow researchers to study marginalized groups, giving us important information to better understand and support these groups. 

Let’s explore the one you used: bisexual. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, and bisexual (commonly abbreviated to “bi”) people are those who have the capacity to form attraction and/or relationships to more than one gender. Bisexual advocate Robyn Ochs’ popular definition of bisexuality is, “The potential to be attracted — romantically and/or sexually — to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” 

Some people use the word pansexual to describe their attraction to more than one gender. Pansexuality is defined as an attraction to people of any gender or to people regardless of their gender, with the prefix pan- coming from the Greek prefix for “all.” Some people may use the words bisexual and pansexual interchangeably, and others use only one word exclusively to describe themselves. 

Multisexuality refers to all identities that include romantic and/or sexual attraction to people of more than one gender. This is in contrast to monosexuality, which is defined as identities involving attraction to people of a single gender, such as exclusively gay or straight identities. Multisexual identities include: 

• Queer refers to an identity that expands outside of heterosexuality. Due to its history as a (reclaimed) slur and use in political movements, queer still holds political significance. 
• Pansexual is an identity term for romantic and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of gender identity or to people of all genders. For some pansexual people, gender is not a defining characteristic of the attraction they feel to others. Other pansexual folks may feel that gender is a significant part of their experience of attraction. .
• Omnisexual refers to someone who is attracted to people of all genders, and for whom gender plays an important part of attraction. 
• Abrosexual describes one’s sexual attraction that is fluid and constantly changing. 
• Skoliosexual is a term that refers to attraction to trans and nonbinary people. 
• Fluid refers to someone who experiences changes in their sexual attraction over time and/or depending on the situation. Some people may find that who they are attracted to and/or the intensity of those feelings change over different days or depending on who they are in a relationship with. 

Some multisexual people use more than one of these labels. People may share different labels for their identities depending on the context or who they are speaking to. It’s OK to use one label or multiple labels for your identity. 

While labels feel meaningful for some LGBTQ people, labels can feel restrictive for others. It’s OK to explore different labels or to avoid labels altogether! You are never required to label your identity in a particular way or to disclose your identity, especially if doing so would compromise your safety. 

How you identify is completely up to you! If you feel like bisexual fits you better these days, then that is completely okay. Even if it starts to change over time, don’t worry – that is perfectly normal. You can label yourself, or not, in whatever way you see fit! 

We wish you best of luck in this journey to yourself, and we want to remind you that if you need to reach out again, we will be here to listen and to support you! 

Take care, 

Alex