Alex's Answer

Hi, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thanks for reaching out.  

Understanding our emotions can be difficult for kids and adults alike. It’s important that you know that it’s okay to feel angry from time to time. Feeling angry lets us know that we feel hurt. Often, when we are feeling angry, we are feeling other emotions as well like sadness, embarrassment or confusion to name a few. However, what we usually ‘get in trouble’ for is how we have acted when we were angry. For example, if we called someone names, shouted, hit someone, or broke something. You’ve asked ‘how can I control anger’ so it sounds like you may relate to the examples given above.  

The first step in managing any emotions is to name them. The adults in your life such as parents/ carers/, teachers or coaches can help you with this. Talking to a trusted adult enables us to understand our feeling about the situation better. They can also help you communicate how you are feeling.  

“I feel annoyed because my sister/ brother won’t share their games with me. I got angry and hit them” or “I feel hurt because I wasn’t included in the soccer game, so it made me feel angry and I screamed”.  

Anger in our bodies may want us to clench our fists, kick or throw things or we want to scream or jump up and down. When we notice these feelings of anger, we can help our bodies to calm down. We can do this by breathing. If we “breathe in like you are smelling a flower” and “breathe out like you are blowing a bubble” this will help us to relax and be better able to respond to the situation that has made us feel angry in a healthy way.  

When trying to control our anger, it is good to focus our attention away from the situation that has made us feel angry and do something that we enjoy. Activities such as the following can be a good distraction: 

• Watching our favourite show.  
• Kicking a ball. 
• Going for a walk.  
• Listening to some music. 
• Drawing or painting.  

If you are finding it hard to talk to those in your life whom you are close to, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or by text on 50101 or through or web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline services are free and confidential, and available 24 hours, 7 days a week.  

Take care,  

Alex