Alex's Answer

How do I comfort someone who has bad trauma?

Your Question

How do I comfort someone who is scared of physical touch and men and has bad trauma and flinches all the time???


Hi and welcome to Ask Alex. We would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and for reaching out for support.  

You are looking for ways to comfort someone who fears touch, men and flinches all the time. You say that they have bad trauma too.  

It is great to see that you are a caring person, looking out for those around you. Now, if your friend is having difficulty with trauma, one of the best types of support you can offer is to let them know that you are there for them and will listen to them. Although you may think that this is not enough, the support and comfort your friend will get from this is huge – to know that you are on their side and can offer a listening ear will make the world of difference to them. If you try to push things with physical touch or put any pressure on the individual before they are ready, it will be very difficult for them to engage with you.   

It would be a good idea to get your friend to discuss the issue with a trusted adult, this could be a parent, family member, teacher, neighbour, G.P; whoever they feel comfortable with and trust. The adult will then be able to support them in finding the correct services for them to avail of to help cope with the trauma they’ve experienced. There are many different organisations that deal with various difficulties that young people may be struggling with, such as; and Taking the step to make use of these services can be a very difficult and scary thing to do but having the support of friends, family and/or a trusted adult can make it much easier for your friend.  

If your friend is not yet ready to approach an adult in their life then you could give them Childline’s contact details; they can reach us by phone on  1800 66 66 66, by texting  50101, or through our web chat on Childline is here for you, your friend and all the young people of Ireland 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead, we can help you explore what options may be available to you.     

Again, we would like to thank you for your question, and I hope that you find some of the information above useful. You are being a good friend and just knowing that they have a person like you in their life is a lot of comfort to them so keep up the good work. 

Look after yourself.  


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