Pat's Answer

Hi there, welcome to Ask Alex. 

We’re glad you were able to reach out to contact us and send us your question.  

From what you’re saying it seems like you’re feeling that your friendship might have run its course, and that you no longer want this friendship to continue. This must be a tough situation for you, and it’s understandable that you might be finding it hard to know what to do. Friendships can be really positive influences in our lives and having someone to confide in and share interests with is an important part of living a healthy and fulfilling life, but as we grow up sometimes things change and the way we feel about a friendship may not be the same as we did before. It’s okay to feel this way, a lot of people may grow apart as they get older or might realise that they no longer have the same feelings about their friendship as before. It sounds like you are trying to end this friendship in a nice, caring way by thinking about how your friend is grumpy and mean as that shows you have an awareness of other peoples’ feelings and that you are trying to be considerate of how you talk to them about your feelings.  

You always have the right to express yourself and how you’re feeling, especially if you no longer feel that a friendship or relationship is good for you and is becoming negative or toxic. Have you considered what might have caused the friendship to get to this stage and whether or not you would like to try and salvage the friendship you once had with this person? Or why your friend is always grumpy and mean? Taking time to think about these types of questions might be worth doing before jumping into any hasty decisions, that way you can be sure that you’re making the right decision for yourself and anyone else involved. Talking about the situation openly and honestly with your friend might be a good step to consider because it would give you both an opportunity to say what’s on your mind and maybe give you a chance to either resolve your issues or end the friendship in a civil way. 

Also, what would it be like to talk to someone in your life about how to handle this situation? Perhaps by talking to a trusted adult in your life, you might come up with a few different options and ideas about how to handle this situation. A trusted adult could be a parent, grandparent, auntie, uncle or older cousin or sibling. If you feel your family or friends aren’t an option at this time, then maybe talking to a teacher, school counsellor or coach might be something to look into instead.  

You have the right to get support if you are struggling with this issue and there are people and organisations out there that can help you. If you feel that you’d like to chat with someone outside your social circle, you can always contact Childline. Our listening services are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and we don’t judge you or tell you what to do; we’re here to listen and to support you. You can get in touch with us be calling 1800 66 66 66, texting 50501 or by webchat on www.childline.ie. All our services are free and confidential so you can chat with us about anything that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. We also have a section on our website about friendships. It might be helpful for you to read through it; you can access it via this link: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-to-break-up-with-a-friend/. 

Whatever is going on for you in your life, it’s also important to prioritise self-care and looking after your wellbeing. We can make clearer, healthier decisions when we have clearer, healthier minds, so be sure to get enough sleep, exercise and healthy food when you’re dealing with difficult situations. Being kind to ourselves can be a small step that we take in our daily lives to make the big steps that little bit easier. 

We hope you find this answer helpful and wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make with the future of your friendship. Feel free to come back and chat with Ask Alex again. 

Take care, 

Alex.