Alex's Answer

Hi there,  

Thank you for contacting Ask Alex, we are a safe place where children and young people can come to seek support and guidance on things they are struggling with. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, so thank you for being here.  

You have asked why you experience emotional discomfort when you think about another person being affectionate to you. It’s completely normal, and many more people than we realize experience this for various reasons

Firstly, for some people if they have experienced a trauma related to relationships or their bodies, they can often feel discomfort at the thought of another being affectionate with them. Even though it may have happened a long time ago. If you think this has happened to you, you can report the abuse to TUSLA – Child and Family Agency in Ireland www.tusla.ie/. If you are ever feeling unsafe at home or elsewhere, you can call the emergency services for free at  999  or  112  It’s important to reach out to someone if you believe this has happened to you, do you have a trusted adult to talk to about this? 

Secondly, some people who experience emotional discomfort thinking about affection may feel like they belong to the Asexual community. People who belong to this community often desire connection with others on a spiritual/emotional level, but experience little to no attraction to others sexually. If you want to learn more about asexuality and other LGBTQ+ communities than Belong To is a great place to start: www.belongto.org/support-for-me/advice/lgbtq-identities/ . Also, on our website we have some articles that could support you: www.childline.ie/sexuality-and-relationships/ . 

Thirdly, during development and puberty is a very confusing time. There are a lot of pressures from peers and the outside world to immediately be intimate with others; it’s ok if it is not the right time for you. We all experience life differently, and it’s ok not to want to participate in what your peers are doing/talking about right now.  

If you want to talk to someone about any of these topics, or anything else that is on your mind, Childline is here for you by freephone 1800 66 66 66 or Live Chat at www.childline.ie. We’re here for you 24/7, ready to listen without judgment and offer support for any  reason,  any time.  

Take care of yourself and know that you do not have to feel alone . We are here for you.,  

Alex