Alex's Answer

Feeling bad over fantasies

Your Question

Why do I keep having fantasies/thoughts of being sa’d or raped? The thoughts are graphic and in great detail and idk why I keep having them. I don’t like them at all, they disgust me and I hate myself for them but I keep getting them and feeling bad because of it 


Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share how we’re feeling, but we also know how important it is to talk about our worries and concerns.  

You have shared that you have been having fantasies and thoughts of being sexually assaulted or raped. These thoughts are very graphic and detailed, and you do not like them, which is understandable as it can be very unsettling to experience unpleasant thoughts. But it shows great self-awareness to be able to recognise these.  

Research says that abusive fantasies can serve as coping mechanisms to deal with past trauma or emotional pain. In certain cases, abusive fantasies may also provide a way to release pent-up emotions or stress. Many people feel guilt and shame about their fantasies, but sexual fantasies are universal, normal, and more common than you think, even if they depict activities that you would never do in real life.  

Self-Reflection may be a useful tool in helping you to process your thoughts and fantasies. Consider journaling or talking to a trusted adult about your fantasies. Understanding the underlying emotions and triggers can be a crucial first step towards addressing them. Attending therapy may also be an option you could consider as it could help you explore the root causes of your fantasies and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Looking after your own self-care is also very important as it promotes a more positive emotional well-being. This could include activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that help you process emotions in a healthy way.  

Understanding healthy relationships is also very important. There is a difference between fantasy and real life, and in real life, when having sex and being intimate, it is crucial that each person gives their consent, as no one has the right to touch us without our permission. Sexual consent means agreeing to take part in all sexual activity. It is important to know too, that you can change your mind at any time. When consent is obtained this can result in healthy, safe, respectful, and enjoyable sexual experiences for all involved. You can learn more about consent here  

If you would like to chat about this in more detail, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through Live Chat on Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.   

Thank you for reaching out to us, we hope our answer has helped you to the next step. 

Look after yourself, and know we are here for you any time,    


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