Alex's Answer

Being a leader

Your Question

Hey alex. So basically I want to be a leader. I’m always in the background with my friends. The only way I’m a leader is in my daydreams, and when my 2 friends who are brothers are arguing and I stop them. My friend is a leader. Bossy sometimes, (which isn’t what leadership is about) but a leader. She’s a ring bearer at a wedding.. I’ve never been something that cool/big. Biggest thing I’ve done is sing in front of 20 people. But she did too. She’s not as good as me or our friend but we all got applause. But anyways. she can be mean at times, but another girl.. Im jealous of her singing. And my cousin im jealous of her friends. They’re so kind to her and they relate and they understand her jokes. Unlike mine. The closest to that I have is another girl And we haven’t seen each other in 2 years. We text though. Anyways, im always in the background. People don’t listen to me. but I feel like I’m selfish and if I was a leader then I’d show off too much and everyone would hate me. So idk. I just want a glow up. I’ve always wanted loose wavy hair.. Instead I have straight hair. Of course I am grateful for stuff pre-teens girls need, but still.


Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.   

Thank you for being so honest and saying how you are feeling. It’s completely normal to feel this way sometimes. It is important to manage these feelings. You have mentioned that you sang in front of 20 people, this is a huge achievement to have the confidence and courage to sing in front of all these people. You also recognised that you are a good singer also. This is very positive. Try to think about other achievements you have accomplished like this.

True friendship is based on support, encouragement, and celebrating each other’s successes together. It is ok to cheer on your friends and be happy for their accomplishments; but it is important to focus on your own too. Try to think about achievements in school or in the community.

Think of ways that may help you become a leader, for example, organise a gathering of friends or a group in your community. This is a great way to develop leadership skills.

Try to practice gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and the things you are thankful for. It’s okay to admire your friends’ achievements and talents, but that true fulfilment comes from competing with yourself rather than constantly comparing yourself to others.

You mentioned you are grateful for your pre-teens girls stuff. Have you considered looking for ideas on how to do different things with your hair at home? Remember that everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way. Have a read of this article, it may help you a little

Know that there are people who accept you for you who are. You can always reach out to Childline if you feel you would like to talk through things a little more. You can contact the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through our webchat at You can start a chat by clicking on the purple chat circle. Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.     

We hope that some of the above information is of use to. Please keep reaching out and know that there are supports out there that can help you.

Take care of yourself, we wish you the best,


Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there’s nothing too big or small.