Am I the one in the wrong the only thing I want is for my mom to be proud of me
My mom says “I have no problems” that some people get physically abused when she shouts at me all the time. She gaslights me and it makes me feel so so horrible. Like today she keeps telling me to stop eating and I’ve had enough food when she’s makes me force myself to trow up because of her. She keeps commenting on everything I do no matter what. I had an appointment tomorrow for my mental health and she said she is to tired to go and she doesn’t want people involved in are lives so I asked her “is the appointment for you? Because the place where going to specialise in being suicidal and self harm” (both things I struggle with) she respond “suicid?, that’s not even an option ur not a murder “ and she started laughing at me. The reason why I do self harm is solely because I have no control I feel so so helpless and unhappy and to be honest cutting makes me so so happy I guess my Question is am I the one in the wrong the only thing I want is for my mom to be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself and I want to be happy with myself
Thank you so much for getting in touch with us, You have been so brave to reach out to us and it sounds like there is a lot going on for you right now.
It sounds like things have been difficult between you and your mom. You have said that she gaslights you and forces you to get sick and you asked the question, “Am I the one in the wrong?” What you have described would be a form of abuse and abuse if never okay and it is never your fault.
We are really concerned for your safety and wellbeing, you have a right and deserve to feel safe and protected and what is happening to you at present is not right. You also have the right to seek medical and professional help and it sounds like your mother is not respecting this at present.
You have said that you want your mother to be proud of you and you want to be proud of yourself and happy, it sounds like these are important things for you but that you are struggling to feel this way. Has there been a time in the past where you remember feeling happy? What was that like?
Do you have a trusted adult that you feel you could reach out to and talk to about what’s going on for you this could be anyone such as a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, coach, youth worker or gardaí? We want you to know that you are worth the help and you have a right to help and support.
If you’re not yet ready to approach an adult in your life right now we would be more than happy for you to contact Childline by phone on 1800 66 66 66, or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. You can start a chat by clicking on the Orange Tab on the right-hand side of your screen. Childline is here for you anytime and we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead we can help you explore what options may be available to you.
You can also go to our website, www.childline.ie to access some information on topics such as What is abuse? that you may find helpful with some useful guidance and advice to what you have mentioned above in our info and advice section. You can also www.jigsaw.org for support around your mental health and self harm.
Thank you so much for your question and I hope that you find some of the information above useful.
Look after yourself.