Alex's Answer

Hi and welcome to Ask Alex.  

We would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and questions with us. It is important to talk about the things we need some support with, and you have made a very positive first step by getting in touch with us.  

You have said that you went along with kissing someone even though you didn’t want to. You have also said the person that kissed you has been a friend of yours for a long time and that you went with it because he can be violent due to a mental disability. This must have been a difficult situation for you. It sounds like this may have been the safest option at the time as you weren’t to know how they would have reacted if you pulled away. It also seems like you may not have wanted to affect the long-term friendship you have with this person. 

It is important that you do not feel pressured into doing things that you don’t want to do. Nobody has the right to make you feel like you have to do these things if it’s not what you want. If you do not give your consent, nobody has the right to touch, feel, kiss or interfere with you in any way. 

It may be a good idea to have a conversation with this friend to explain what you want from the friendship. For your own safety, it would be important to do this in a public place, somewhere where there are other people around so if at any point you feel in danger or unsafe you can call for help or just walk away to safety. Being honest and letting them know your feelings will hopefully prevent your friend trying this again in the future and your friendship will return to just that – a friendship (if that is what you want).  

You might find it helpful to discuss the situation with a trusted adult in your life. This can be a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, teacher or guidance counsellor etc, someone you feel comfortable talking to and trust. They may be able to support you in making a decision that is right for you and help you best communicate your needs and limits to your friend. It can often be the case that those around us have gone through similar situations when they were younger and can give useful advice.   

If you’re not yet ready to approach an adult in your life right now then you could contact Childline by phone on  1800 66 66 66, by text to  50101 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. Childline is here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead we can help you explore what options may be available to you.      

Thanks for your question and look after yourself. 

Alex.