Childline

healthy relationships


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<h4 class="wp-block-heading block-heading">Summary</h4>



<p class="block-paragraph wp-block-paragraph">Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and the goal is to have healthy ones. To achieve healthy romantic relationships, it’s important to know what goes into a healthy relationship as well as how to recognise when a relationship isn’t healthy. Read more to find out all about how to help ensure your relationships are safe, healthy and full of joy!  </p>

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<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>We all have different kinds of relationships from very early in our lives.</strong>&nbsp;</h4>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Types of relationships&nbsp;</p>



<p class="has-body-lg-font-size wp-block-paragraph">Often, we have relationships with our parents or guardians, our siblings, step-siblings or foster siblings, our cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbours and friends. These are family or friendship relationships. When people get a little older, they may want to have other kinds of relationships too. Teenagers may want to date a person they like and to have a romantic relationship with them as boyfriend or girlfriend, for example.&nbsp;</p>



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<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Dating&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Having a romantic relationship with another person you like can be lots of fun. When you’re dating someone you might:&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Talk:</strong> Get to know each other better by talking face-to-face, on the phone, by text, or online&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Spend time:</strong> Spend extra time with that person&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Do activities:</strong> Do activities together, like going to the cinema&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">You might also like to hug, hold hands or kiss. It all depends on what you both feel comfortable doing. It’s important that you only start dating when you feel you are ready to and you’re the only person who knows when that is!&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Before you think about starting a romantic relationship with someone, make sure you:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Like yourself and are comfortable and happy being you&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Know your own likes and dislikes and what you would like or dislike in a partner&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Actually like the person &#8211; you&#8217;re not just dating them because all of your friends are dating, or because you want to have any partner at all&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Think about what you are happy and comfortable with doing in a relationship. This includes knowing what you are and aren&#8217;t ready for when it comes to having a more physical relationship&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Talk to your parents or carers about how you want to date this person. Trying to keep romantic relationships secret can make things very difficult. If you are open, your parents or carers can give you support if you need it&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Respect&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The most important part of any relationship is respect.</strong>&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"> &nbsp;Having a respectful relationship allows both people to feel accepted, liked and safe. Signs of respect in a romantic relationship are:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Both people are free to express their opinions and beliefs and to be themselves&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Both people can talk about their needs and what they like and don&#8217;t like doing&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>There&#8217;s no pressure to do anything either person isn&#8217;t comfortable doing&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>There&#8217;s no pressure to be with the other person all the time&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Both people can make mistakes, admit they were wrong and apologise&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s important to remember:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Always treat yourself with respect&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Show respect to other people&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>If someone is not treating you with respect, let them know. Tell them how you would like to be treated&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>If you do not feel you are being respected, you can talk to a trusted adult&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>It&#8217;s always ok to end a relationship if you feel it is not respectful&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Healthy and unhealthy relationships&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Romantic relationships can be fun when you both like each other and get on well. It can be confusing, however, if you like someone but don’t like how they treat you or make you feel. &nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s important to pay attention if things don’t feel right in a relationship. If you find that your feelings have changed and you want to end a relationship, support is available. It might help to talk to an adult you trust and make the right decision for you. &nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Some things that happen in a healthy relationship are:&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Time together</strong>: You enjoy spending time together&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Your own interest</strong>s: You can spend time apart and have your own hobbies and interests&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Trust</strong>: You trust and respect each other&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Expression</strong>: Each person feels comfortable expressing themselves&nbsp;</p>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Some signs of an unhealthy relationship</summary>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>You feel under pressure to change who you are &#8211; your beliefs, opinions, likes, dislikes, hobbies, or even who you hang out with&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>You don&#8217;t feel free to spend time away from the other person&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>The person you are dating lies to you, or doesn&#8217;t tell you things&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>The person you are dating pushes you to do things that you don&#8217;t want to do &#8211; this can include putting pressure on you to send them pictures of parts of your body or to do things with them&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Support is available&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you would like support around your relationships, you have a right to get support. &nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Is there a trusted adult you can talk to about how you feel? Childline is always here to listen to you and support you.&nbsp;</p>
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What are relationships 


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<h4 class="wp-block-heading block-heading">Summary</h4>



<p class="block-paragraph wp-block-paragraph">Setting boundaries means deciding what the limits are for you, in terms of what’s asked of you or how you are treated in any relationship. They can be uncomfortable to set, but learning to set them is one of the best skills you can learn for your life. Read our simple guide to creating boundaries, and what they might look like, depending on who you’re setting them with.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

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<h4 class="wp-block-heading">Setting boundaries is easier said than done but it’s a skill you’ll use for the rest of your life&nbsp;</h4>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">In the literal sense of the word, a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area. In terms of your relationships, it’s how much you are willing to give or take before something needs to change.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Setting a boundary with someone involves three things:&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">In the literal sense of the word, a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area. In terms of your relationships, it’s how much you are willing to give or take before something needs to change.&nbsp;</p>

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<ul style="line-height:0.1" class="has-body-lg-font-size wp-block-list">
<li>Planning what you will say ahead of time&nbsp;</li>



<li>Preparing yourself for their reaction (there may be pushback)&nbsp;</li>



<li>Following through on your word&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



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<p class="wp-block-paragraph">You can create boundaries about anything in life that is important to you. These can include but are not limited to:&nbsp;</p>

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<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Time to yourself&nbsp;</li>



<li>Wanting certain things to remain private&nbsp;</li>



<li>How you express yourself&nbsp;</li>



<li>Physical space&nbsp;</li>



<li>Freedom from negative or controlling energy&nbsp;</li>



<li>The ability to say no&nbsp;</li>



<li>Your own identity&nbsp;</li>



<li>Asking for help&nbsp;</li>



<li>How you stand up for yourself&nbsp;</li>



<li>A romantic or sexual relationship&nbsp;</li>



<li>Your daily routine or hobbies&nbsp;&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



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<p class="wp-block-paragraph">It can be challenging to get others to accept your boundaries but ultimately, it’s a matter of respect – be it for your time, your principles or how you choose to live your life.&nbsp;</p>

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<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Family boundaries&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">You love your family and you don’t want to upset them. But if they’re upsetting you without realising it, it’s important to talk things through.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Saying no is especially difficult if you are a people pleaser or someone who ‘keeps the peace’ at home. However, it’s vital to put your own mental health needs first if you find yourself in a toxic situation.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Your family may not understand at first or perhaps, even refuse to acknowledge your boundary. However, once they see that you are serious and follow through on your word, they may get on board.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Here are some examples of setting boundaries with family:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I don’t want to talk about that subject in front of everyone. If you keep bringing it up, I will have to leave.”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I’m a vegetarian. If you continue to pressure me to eat meat, I will start having meals at a different time to you.”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I can’t do that for you right now as I have to practice my music/study/go to the gym”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Friend boundaries&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As with family, it can be awkward setting boundaries with friends, especially when you want to fit in or are worried that they won’t like you if you do something different.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">But, if it’s important to you, it’s worth the awkwardness. It’s also a good way of knowing who your true friends are and which ones just want you to follow the pack.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Here are some examples of boundaries you might have to set with friends:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“Please ask before you tag me in any photos on social media”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I’m not interested in smoking and if you keep insisting that I try it, I’d rather not hang out”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I know you think it’s funny but I don’t like it when you call me by that nickname. Please call me by my first name instead”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“No, you can’t borrow my new shirt before I wear it”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>“I’m not comfortable talking about that right now”&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
</details>



<details class="wp-block-details is-layout-flow wp-block-details-is-layout-flow"><summary>Social media boundaries&nbsp;</summary>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As well as setting a boundary like the one in the point above (being tagged in pictures or videos without your permission), it’s also worth setting some boundaries around social media for yourself.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For example:&nbsp;</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>I will only follow accounts that make me feel happy, empowered or educated&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>I will stop scrolling at 8pm every night&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>I will not reply to messages after 9pm&nbsp;</li>
</ul>



<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>I will not look at my phone during mealtime</li>
</ul>
</details>

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<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>If you’re worried about boundaries or some other aspect of your life, you can talk to Childline, day or night about anything that’s on your mind. Call 1800 66 66 66 or live chat with us on childline.ie.</strong>&nbsp;</p>

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How to set boundaries in different areas of your life 

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