Summary
Going back to school after the summer can feel strange if your friendships have changed. Maybe you haven’t spoken much, someone has joined a new group or you’re worried about where you fit in. Friendship changes can be difficult, but they don’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
Going back can feel different
lot can change over the summer.
Maybe you spent loads of time with your friends, or maybe you barely spoke at all. Maybe someone moved school, joined a new group or seems different now that you’re back.
If you’re starting secondary school, you might also be trying to hold onto primary school friendships while meeting completely new people at the same time.
It can feel awkward when things don’t pick up exactly where they left off.
That doesn’t automatically mean the friendship is over.
Sometimes people just need a little time to settle back into school, reconnect and work out where they fit.
We barely spoke over the summer
Not speaking much during the holidays doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong.
People get busy, go away, spend time with family or simply fall out of the habit of messaging.
If you want to reconnect, try starting small. Say hello in school, ask how their summer was or suggest doing something together after class.
You don’t have to wait for the other person to make the first move.
My friend has a new group
It can hurt when someone you’re close to starts spending more time with other people.
You might feel left behind or wonder if you’ve been replaced.
Friendships can grow and change, especially as you move through school. Your friend meeting new people doesn’t mean the friendship you have with them no longer matters.
It’s also okay for you to get to know new people too.
You don’t have to choose between keeping an old friendship and building a new one.
I feel like everyone already has their group
Walking into a classroom or yard where everyone seems to know exactly who they’re sitting with can feel intimidating.
But what you see from the outside isn’t always the full story.
Other people may be feeling nervous, left out or unsure too.
Try focusing on one person rather than an entire group. A quick chat before class, asking someone about homework or sitting beside somebody new can be enough to start building a connection.
Friendships don’t usually happen all at once.
I’ve been left out
Sometimes friendships naturally change.
But there’s a difference between that and being deliberately excluded, mocked, targeted or made to feel unwelcome.
If someone is repeatedly leaving you out on purpose, spreading rumours, sending hurtful messages or making school feel unsafe, you don’t have to deal with it alone.
Tell someone you trust, such as a parent, carer, teacher, year head or another adult who can support you.
How do I make new friends without it feeling awkward?
You don’t need a perfect opening line.
Most friendships begin with small moments.
You could sit beside someone you don’t know well, talk to someone before class, join a sports team or club, or get involved in an activity at school.
Try to be curious about people rather than putting pressure on yourself to impress them.
You’re looking for people you feel comfortable around, not people you have to change yourself to fit in with.
What if I miss how things used to be?
It’s normal to feel sad when a friendship changes.
You might miss sitting beside someone every day in primary school, spending every lunchtime together or feeling like you knew exactly where you belonged.
Missing that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy what comes next.
You can value an old friendship and still make space for new experiences and new people.
Give yourself time to adjust.
Friendships don’t have to stay the same forever
Some friendships last for years. Others are important for a particular part of your life and then change.
Neither makes the friendship less real.
As you move through school, you’ll learn more about the kind of friendships that make you feel supported, respected and able to be yourself.
The people around you may change, and that can be difficult, but it can also open the door to new connections you weren’t expecting.
Key takeaways
- Friendships can change after the summer, and that is normal.
- Not speaking much over the holidays doesn’t automatically mean a friendship is over.
- You can keep old friendships while making new ones.
- New friendships often start with small conversations.
- You don’t have to change yourself to fit into a group.
- Deliberate exclusion or bullying is not something you have to put up with.
- If friendship worries are getting you down, talking to someone can help.
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