Alex's Answer

Hi, welcome to Ask Alex.   

Thank you for reaching out to us with your worries and concerns.  

You have mentioned that you feel your friend does not like you anymore and that she has been ignoring you, not texting you back and not talking to you unless she has to, and then gets annoyed at you when you are trying to talk to her. This sounds like a hurtful and isolating experience, and we are sorry to hear this is going on for you at the moment. Friendships should be a positive experience and provide us with happiness and a sense of belonging. Our friends should be supportive and make us feel good about ourselves. No one has the right to make you feel like you did something wrong. You have the right to feel valued and loved.   

You mention that you do not even want to be her friend anymore after seeing how mean she can be but still feel lonely and upset. This is understandable and its okay to feel this way. If you feel you have it in you, you may consider writing her a letter to explain how you feel. This not only gives you a chance to get your feelings out there without any interruptions or distractions, but it also gives her an opportunity to understand how her actions are affecting you and to change her behaviour in order to mend the friendship. The ability to handle conflict and to communicate our feelings and needs is an important part of maintaining healthy and happy relationships. Before writing the letter, it can be helpful to think of a reason why you became her friend in the first place or happy memory the two of you share. Attempting to repair your friendship from a place of positivity and gratitude will help make the conversation a lot more meaningful and she is less likely to respond defensively. Remember, you cannot control her reaction, but you can be proud of yourself for being brave enough to take action and for doing all you could to repair the friendship.  

On the other hand, a healthy friend group makes each other feel valued, supported, and happy. If friends are not making you feel this way, you also have the option of moving on from this friendship and to try to find healthier friendships with people who support you and treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. You can read more about the differences between healthy and toxic friendships here: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-build-healthy-friendships-and-relationships/ and here: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-youre-in-a-toxic-friendship-group/    

Have you tried speaking to a trusted adult about how you are feeling? This could be a parent, caregiver, older sibling, or aunt/uncle, teacher, or youth worker.  

If you are finding it hard to talk to a trusted adult in your life, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team through our web chat on www.childline.ie, by text on 50101 or by phone on 1800 66 66 66. Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.    

You may find the following articles helpful too: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-to-break-up-with-a-friend/ and https://www.childline.ie/making-friends/.  

Thank you for reaching out to us.  

Take care,   

Alex