Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex,

 

You have explained to us that your friends have started acting differently since they came out as lesbians and started dating each other. You have told us that you are feeling alone as you don’t feel you can talk to them because sometimes you would like to talk about one of them.

 

Thanks for reaching out; it seems you are dealing with a change of scenario in your friendships. Changes can be difficult at times; adapting and accepting can take time. It looks like you were able to talk to your friends before they were dating, and now you find it different, both in how you feel around them and the number of things you can tell them. That is understandable. It can indeed feel lonely.

 

We are wondering if you have talked to them to let them know how you feel. We know it doesn’t come easy to explain our feelings, especially when they are not happy feelings, and the people we need to talk to are above joyous with the new situation. It is still needed though. Communicating how we feel – always with respect and from a “me” perspective and “I messages” (I feel, I need, I would like…) – is very important to avoid misunderstandings or holding grudges, and to have healthy relationships in general.

 

Another thing to consider when communicating healthily is communicating with the right person. If we are annoyed, upset, or angry about something our friend did, we need to let THEM know. As much as we know we need venting sometimes, talking to someone else about how someone else made us feel without talking to the person who made us feel that way in the first place is actually avoiding a very important conversation that could fix what happened, which could keep on maintaining the turmoil between friends. What’s more, we are putting another friend in the middle who could struggle with keeping the peace between two people they love. In those cases, we could talk to our parents or other family members, someone else you trust, who can help you find the way to deal with the matter that is bothering you.

 

If you cannot think of anyone to talk to, you can always give Childline a call. It is a listening service that runs every day, all day, no exceptions. They can be reached through the free phone number 1800 66 66 66. If you’d rather text, you can use the Live Chat on the website www.childline.ie.

 

We hope this helps!

 

We wish you feel better soon and that you find the way to navigate this new friendship situation. Give us a shout if you need further support.

 

Take care of yourself,

Alex