Alex's Answer

Should I hate my abuser

Your Question

should i still hate my abuser? for all my life hes abused me in various ways (psychical?, emotional, verbally and i think also sexually) and i keep getting reminded that hes ‘changed’ and hes ‘normal’ and he did everything because he was mentally ill. do i still hate him? hes a relative if that changes anything


Hi there, welcome to Ask Alex,
First, thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings with us. It’s incredibly brave to open up about something so personal and painful. We want you to know that we are here to support you through this.
It’s completely understandable to have complex feelings about someone who has hurt you, especially when that person is a relative. The pain and confusion you’re feeling are valid, and it’s ok to have these emotions. Remember, your safety and well-being are the most important things. If you ever feel unsafe at home, please contact emergency services at 999 or 112 immediately.
It’s important to know that you have the right to feel safe and to be free from harm. No matter the reasons given for someone’s behaviour, abuse is never acceptable. We encourage you to reach out to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counsellor, or family friend, who can help you through this situation and ensure your safety.
In Ireland, Túsla, The Child and Family Agency, is there to make sure all young people live in a safe environment. Social workers at Túsla can provide support, and you may need the help of a trusted adult to access their services.
Remember, you are never alone. The Childline team is here to support you and help you explore your options. We are open 24 hours a day, every day. You can contact us for free at 1800 66 66 66, or by Messenger at (just click on the purple chat icon). We are here to listen and help, without judgment.
Take care, and please reach out if you need more support.
With care and support,

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