Alex's Answer

Really, really like her

Your Question

Hey Alex, there is this girl I really like. I mean really, REALLY like. I would like some advice on how to talk to her, because my social skills are horrible.

Answer

Welcome to Ask Alex!
 
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are feeling nervous about starting a conversation with a girl you like.
 
We want to let you know that it is very normal to feel nervous when it comes to talking to new people or to those we really like. However, it sounds like you are struggling with your self-esteem and don’t have much confidence in your social skills.
 
What would it be like for you to work on your confidence and self-esteem? Self-esteem is described as the confidence you have in your abilities and worth. This could look like accepting yourself the way you are right now, deciding you are good enough right now, and recognising that nobody is perfect. It might help if you have a purpose in life; think about what gives your life meaning.
 
Do you think you could avoid comparing yourself to others? Everyone has different talents and abilities. How do you think it would feel to try and do things for yourself, not others? This means trying to stop worrying about what others think. It can also help to be a positive thinker.
 
Do you think you could flip your negative thoughts, like your thoughts about not having good social skills, into positive ones? Not all thoughts are true. Focus on the times you have made your friends or family laugh. It can help to try not to be so serious and to learn to laugh off the small things.
 
Self-esteem can also come from being kind. People who are kind to others often have higher self-esteem, and it will have the added benefit of attracting kind people, like the girl you really like.
 
All social interactions, whether with friends, family, teachers, or a girl you really like, should be based on respect. Respecting others looks like treating others the way you would like to be treated; accepting others the way they are; helping them if they need it; taking turns and sharing; using good manners, listening to the other person; keeping your hands to yourself; complimenting others, and making them feel better than they did before you showed up.
 
You probably do a lot of this without thinking, so just being yourself and leaning into your self-esteem and confidence can help you in chatting with the girl you really like.
 
Remember, you can always call ISPCC Childline to chat about anything that is going on for you. You can call for free on 1800 66 66 66 or chat with us through our webchat service by clicking on the purple Messenger circle at www.childline.ie. Everything you chat about stays between you and Childline. We are here 2/7, 365. Any time for any reason.
 
Take care of yourself. we wish you the best of luck with chatting to this girl,
Alex

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