Alex's Answer

Hi there, 

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Alex. It sounds like you are struggling with your parents’ response to your sexual orientation of pansexual. It is very courageous to ask for help with something like this, thank you for sharing with us. 

While you work towards improving your relationship with your parents, be sure to look after yourself, your health and mental wellbeing. Remember, if someone doesn’t accept who you are, it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you, it is their attitude or misguided beliefs that need to change. Is there a trusted friend or adult in your life that you can turn to support you and talk to as you deal with this? There are plenty of services available that are dedicated to helping young members of the LGBTQ+ community like yourself. See if you can find other members of the community to make friends with who might have similar experiences and can share some advice and support. You are also welcome to contact Childline at any time for free by calling 1800 66 66 66 or using the Live Chat service at www.childline.ie. 

Well done for even taking the step of sharing your authentic self with your parents. It may have taken a lot of work for you to get to this point and you should be proud. While you may be very comfortable and secure with who you are and how you identify (and you should be), this may have come as a surprise to your parents, and they could need some time to fully process things. Your parents may not have a clear understanding of what it means to be part of the LGBTQ+ and with a bit of time to think and process, they may come around. 

In the meantime, it may help to provide your parents with the information they need to educate themselves on what it really means to be LGBTQ+. How would you feel about encouraging your parents to do some research? There are plenty of resources online that they could use to learn about pansexuality and the LGBTQ+ community. We would recommend checking out lgbt.ie/ or www.belongto.org/. These organizations provide a range of supports and resources for young LGBTQ+ people and their families. 

If they are unwilling to cooperate with your efforts to educate them and see the real you, do your best to communicate how their behaviour is having an impact on you. Even though it may take some time for them to get used to seeing you in a way that is more authentic, they do not have the right to hurt you. They need to come to understand that they cannot change who you are and need to learn to embrace who you are. 

We wish you all the best as you decide how to handle your parents’ response to your sexual identity. Thanks again for sharing. 

Warm regards, 

Alex