Alex's Answer

My parents are not in a good relationship

Your Question

My parents are not in a good relationship. My mom has been telling my dad he has to move out for weeks, but we keep extending it because he won’t go. He usually comes home drunk, it got so bad we both now lock our doors before bed. Sometimes he tries to open my door. I don’t know what to do anymore, this situation is really scary and I’m worried for me and my mother’s safety. 

Answer

Hi and Welcome to Ask Alex. 

Thank you for sharing what must be a very hard and scary thing that is happening in your life now. You are very brave and strong for putting the question out about this and looking for support. We hope that you will get some useful signposts and support that you deserve from our answer today.  

You have mentioned that the “relationship between your parents is not a good one”. This alone is very difficult for any person to have to go through and we hope that you have an outlet in which you can get support around this. Having a family member or trusted adult to talk to, through this is very important and having your feelings and opinions heard is vital as it has an impact on you too. 

You go on to mention what would be a big safety concern for both you and your mother, “that you have to now lock your doors before bed because your dad comes home drunk and sometimes tries to get into your room”. This must be extremely scary for you, is the fear and concern impacting your sleep? Both you and your mother have the right to feel safe and secure in your own home, you shouldn’t have to lock yourself away to feel safe. If this is something that is happening on a regular basis, we think it should be brought to the attention of the Gardai. This could be done in person or over the phone. Your mum could look at support services around Domestic Abuse if she continues to feel unsafe and that your dad is not leaving the house when he is being asked to by your mum, they may be able to guide her in getting legal support and a true understanding to her rights in this situation. You can give the details of Women’s Aid to your mum for support she can visit the website on www.womensaid.ie or the 24hr free phone number is 1800 341 900 they will be able to give over the phone support and details of local services to you guys.   

As this is a huge impact on you it might be a good idea to stay with family or friends for a little break and feeling of security for yourself. We know that you might not want to leave mum but she would be happy in knowing that you are getting a little break away from this, discuss it with her maybe you guys could plan a little trip to family. Keep reaching out and speaking up this is so important.  

If you would like to discuss this further you can always speak to our Childline team any time of day or night by calling 1800 66 66 66 it’s a free phone number. You can also go through our web chat by clicking on the purple messenger circle on www.childline.ie. You are not alone in this we hear you. If you ever feel that you or your mum are in immediate danger please call emergency services on 112 or 999.  

We hope that some of the above information will help guide you to finding the right services for you and your mum and the supports ye both are entitled to. 

Keep on reaching out. 

Alex. 

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