My friends have invited me to masturbate with them, but I’m embarrassed because I squirt
I am very embarrassed to have to ask for advice on this subject but I would like some guidance. I am a young girl 16 and me and my friends have invited me to masturbate with them I consented to it however I’m super nervous as I’m a squirter like every time I orgasm I always squirt and it always leaves messes. I would love to be there together with my friends but I’m simply too embarrassed that I will squirt and they will think I’m gross. Any advice would be awesome
Hi there and thank you for contacting Ask Alex!
It seems you have agreed to a group sexual activity with your friends, but you are worried they won’t understand what squirting is and could think it is gross.
Consent is a key ingredient to a healthy and respectful sexual relationship, so you took the right first step. Consent means that both/all people are excited about and completely on board with what’s happening. We all have the right to determine for ourselves what we do with our bodies, when we do it and with whom. Another key ingredient is respect. Respect is important in all aspects of a relationship, but when it comes to sex, it’s really important for mutual respect to be a priority.
In order to have respectful sex of any kind, partners need to have a solid understanding of each other’s boundaries around physical and sexual activity. Maybe one (or all) of you doesn’t have a lot of experience with sex (which is totally okay), or maybe one (or all) of you is really experienced (which is also totally okay). Being able to talk honestly with your partner/s about what you want, what you don’t want and what you’re comfortable or uncomfortable with is absolutely crucial. It’s also really important that you’re able to fully trust that your partner/s would not violate your boundaries or ignore your feelings. If you can’t talk with your partner/s about sex, and/or you don’t feel that you can trust them, then you and your partner/s likely aren’t quite ready to do it.
If you trust your friends with being respectful and trustworthy, you could let them know in advance about squirting – what it is, how it happens, how it feels, how normal it is to squirt and that it is nothing to be ashamed of -, and what you would need in order to feel comfortable. This will serve two purposes: 1.) you’ll be able to share that moment with them and 2.) you will be able to take care of the space you will be using, such as preparing a couple of towels, a waterproof throw or even proposing to use the bathtub.
If you are asking yourself how a respectful sexual relationship would look like, you could check this list:
- Checking in with each other before, during and after sexual activity
- Talking openly and honestly about what you like and don’t like
- Listening to each other
- Accepting that “No means no” and only “Yes means yes!”
- Respecting each other’s boundaries, no matter what
- Not sharing or threatening to share personal stuff (information, pictures, videos) with others
- Respecting each other’s right to privacy, online and off
We hope this helps!
If you need to talk to someone about this (or anything else), know that Childline is here to listen whenever you need to chat. Our Childline Listening team can be contacted 24/7, 365 days a year. If you’d like a live chat, you can visit the website www.childline.ie, or perhaps you’d prefer to text us on 50101 or give us a call on 1800 666 666.
We would be delighted to hear from you again.
We wish you well.
Take care, Alex