Alex's Answer

My friend threatened suicide when I didn't reciprocate his feelings for me

Your Question

Hi, Alex. I am a 14 year old girl who is apart of the LGBT and I am a lesbian. I have had a friend of mine for 4 years and recently he has told me he likes me. I denied and told him that I like girls, and not boys. He has lashed out and told me he’s going to kill himself because I said no. What do I do? 

Answer

Hi there, 

Thank you for contacting Ask Alex today and sharing what is going on for you. 

You mentioned that a friend of yours has recently told you he likes you, but you are attracted to girls and therefore don’t feel the same way about him. He has lashed out at you and said he’s going to kill himself because you said no. This sounds like a very difficult and stressful situation to be in, and you are very brave to share it with us.  

First of all, it is not okay for someone to threaten suicide when you were honest with your feelings about not liking boys – suicide is obviously a very serious matter and is not a tool to be used as a way of manipulating others. When someone uses suicide as a threat, it can be considered a form of emotional abuse. Secondly, friendship is about trust and respect, and it doesn’t sound like your friend treated you how you would expect a friend to. Finally, it sounds like you were completely open with your friend about your feelings and being part of the LGBT community, and this is not always easy to talk about so well done for that. 

Suicide is a challenging topic to talk about in general and when you hear someone saying that they are going to kill themselves, it can be incredibly upsetting. Is there anyone in your life that you would feel comfortable talking to about this; perhaps somebody who has provided you with support in the past? It could be a trusted family member, a teacher or school counsellor. They may also be able to seek support and resources for your friend if he needs further help. 

We are also always here for you at Childline 24/7, 365 days a year, if you would like to talk to someone about how you’re feeling. It is your space to talk about as much or as little as you want. We have out online services (www.childline.ie), or our phone line (1800 66 66 66) where there will always be someone to listen to you.  

You have been really brave to reach out to us today, and remember you’re not alone, there is always someone here at Childline to listen and support you. 

Take care, 

Alex 

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