Alex's Answer

Hi and welcome to Ask Alex, 

Thank you using our service to bring out the questions and things that are on your mind. It is so important to have an outlet where we can go to, to explore and ask questions. 

You have said “What should I do if a friend of mine started self-harm because of me?” We are very sorry to hear that your friend is self-harming and would be very concerned for them. It is important to know that there are many services and supports out there to help children and young people going through self-harm. 

Services include: www.Tusla.ie, www.spunout.ie,  www.jigsaw.ie, www.pieta.ie CAHMS through the www.hse.ie website. A visit to their local GP can also help guide your friend in the direction that best suits their situation.  

You can advise your friend of the above if that is what you would like to do. They can also contact the Childline service, if they would like to talk to us anonymously. 

But ack to you; you are saying that your friend is doing self-harm because of you. That must be a horrible thing to be carrying around. What is it that makes you think that you are the cause of the self-harming? Your friend may be going through quite a lot in their life that you do not see or may not be aware of, so it is quite possible that those are things that have led to them harming themselves. Trying to understand why or what leads people to do certain things is a very difficult thing to do. We cannot read or understand somebody else’s mind or thoughts as they are processing things, so we might jump to link a fight we had a week ago to something someone is doing in the present time. It is so important not to jump to conclusions but to communicate with your friend to see what is going on for them. Sometimes those closest to us can use us as an excuse or reason to cover up what is really going on for them. It can sometimes be easier for them to do this than exposing what they are really dealing with. Those that are closest to us know that as a true friend we will support and always be there for them.  

It is of vital importance that we seek support and advice from a trusted adult in these situations. It can be someone like a family member, your friends’ parents, a teacher anyone that you have a good relationship with, so that they may be able to help support you and your friend through this. You are not alone with this and as you have put this into Ask Alex it is clear you want to help and understand this a little more.  

If you have no one you can talk to at present, just know that the Childline Team can be contacted by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. You can start a chat by clicking on the Orange Tab on the right-hand side of your screen. Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.  There will always be somebody there to talk or chat with you, no matter the time or the situation.  

Thanks for bringing your thoughts to Ask Alex and we hope that some of the above information is of use to you. 

Take care of yourself.

Alex