Pat's Answer

My dad gets really aggressive with me

Your Question

My dad gets really agressive with ne when I have to clean the house and it’s not clean enough for him. I’m doing the best I can and can’t get the house cleaner than it already is. Whenever I tell him before I start cleaning the house that I’m doing the best I can and I don’t want him to start shouting this time, he tells me to stop picking fights and that if I do my best, he won’t get agressive but I know that’s a lie. What can I do to make it clear to him that his behaviour is not acceptable and that he needs to stop?


Hi there, thank you for getting in touch with Ask Pat, you are very welcome.

You are saying that your Dad gets really aggressive with you when you clean the house because he thinks you do not clean the house well enough. You are doing your best and clean the house really well. You have tried to talk to your Dad and tell him that you are doing your best, but he starts shouting at you and telling you to stop picking fights with him. He tells you that he will not get aggressive with you, but he always does after you have cleaned up. You are asking us what to do to get your Dad to understand that his behaviour is unacceptable and stop treating you this way.

It seems that you have a lot going on for you at home. We are sorry your Dad does not see that you are trying to do your best when you clean the house. Your Dad does not have the right to make you feel upset and hurt you, and he does not have the right to hurt you in anyway, physically, mentally, or verbally. No one has the right to hurt you. Your Dad has a responsibility to look after you and care for you. Have you spoken to anyone in your family or another adult you trust about your Dad being aggressive with you and how that is making you feel? This adult could be a teacher, neighbour, friend, school counsellor or your GP. You have a right to seek help and support.

If you are ever feel unsafe at home, or anywhere else, you have the right to call the emergency services at 999 or 112.

There are organisations where you might find the help and support you would like to get. [email protected]  is the National Centre for Youth Mental Health in Ireland. Another is  These websites may help you understand what is going on for you or they may offer you a way to avail of other supports. The ISPCC Childline website also has some information and articles you may find helpful or

You do not have to go through this on your own. Childline is here for you if you feel like talking to us. You can reach out to us by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or chat one-to-one with us online on our web chat  or through our text service on 50101. We do not judge anything you say to us and we will not tell you what to do. Childline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and these services are free and confidential. You are not alone, help and support is available to you.

We are here for you and we would love to chat to you more about what is going on for you. You are so brave, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Take care of yourself


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