Pat's Answer

To Pat / 25 May 2019

Topic: My best friend died

Your Question


Recently (maybe two weeks ago) an old best friend of mine died. She had cancer for the past two years and died at her last hurdle. She was meant to be coming back to school in February. I’m 15 and we drifted apart at 13. I didn’t want to show up when I heard she got sick because I thought it would seem fake of me- as if I’m only there because I feel bad or something. Now she’s dead and I wish I got to speak to her one last time. My mom has comforted me and knows how horrible I feel about it. Her death broke my heart. She knows the affect it has had on me. Today, we got in a fight, and she picked up the funeral booklet of my best friend (the funeral was last week) which was lying on the counter, and waved it in my face to shut me up. It hurt me so so much and she knew it would. That’s emotional abuse and it was completely deliberate. Using my dead best friend to hurt me is probably the lowest, most inhuman thing anyone could possibly do. She hasn’t shown any remorse whatsoever. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her in my life but as a minor I have no say in the matter. I feel trapped and horrible. What do I do?

From Pat / 24 July 2019


Welcome to Ask Pat, Thank you for sharing with us what is going on for you. It sounds like you have been through a lot recently with the passing of your friend. It sounds like you have some regrets from not feeling able to connect with your friend when she was sick. It is understandable that you would like the opportunity to speak to your friend one more time. You say that your friend’s death has had a big effect on you and your mom has supported you around this. We are glad that you were able to get support and have someone there to talk to about how you feel. We are concerned about how you are feeling after your fight with your mom. It sounds like you feel your mom knew what she was doing when she waved the funeral booklet of your best friend in your face and you feel it was to shut you up. You say you also feel she deliberately did this to hurt you, has not shown remorse and you refer to her actions as being emotionally abusive to you. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what your fight with your mom? Talking to a trusted adult can help a young person to find the answers to their questions such as the ones you have asked at the end of your message. If you don’t feel like there is a trusted adult in your life that you can talk to,just now, there is always the option of contacting Childline, who are there to listen. Remember when you talk to Childline, you can talk through your thoughts, feelings and options. Childline do not judge what you say and your chat can stay confidential. You can call us, 24/7 on 1800 66 66 66 or text us at 50101, both these services are free services. You can also log into the Live Messaging service on this website, every day and chat that way. It was so brave of you to contact us about this today. Take care, Pat.

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