Alex's Answer

Mum gets drunk more often

Your Question

My mum is getting drunk more regularly now and she’s started making up arguments and saying she never said that gaslighting me basically and she told me to fuck off then I went to my room closed the door and started crying and she told me to shut up and then continued to say to me SHUT THE FUCK UP which only made me cry more I felt like I couldn’t breath and I wanted to pack a bag and leave but I had nowhere to go I didn’t have my phone and it was 10 30 so it was too late for me to go anyway since I’m only 13 anyway I told her please leave me alone and she acted like a victim but she went away I tried talking to her to say how I felt but she said I was talking shit and that made me more upset which made me cry and I shouted how I felt and I felt like I wanted to explode and she started screaming at me saying that I should go away and stop trying to get in an argument and I do it on purpose and then she cancelled my sleepover which was meant to be me getting away from her every time I try to explain how I feel she never listens and it’s driving me insane this all happened tonight btw and I’m still crying I don’t know what I’m gonna do I can’t put up with this . thanks

Answer

Welcome to Ask Alex, 

Thanks for reaching out and talking about what is happening for you. It is so important that we have a space to feel comfortable to discuss things that are going on for us, and that we feel supported and listened to.  

You have mentioned above that “mum is getting drunk more regularly now and she started making up arguments, telling you to fuck off and Shut The Fuck Up” this is not ok. You continue to talk about wanting to leave but not having anywhere to go and only being 13, that you have had sleepovers cancelled and your mum won’t listen when you try to explain how you feel. We are so sorry to hear that this is going on for you. It is not ok for you to have to put up with a parent that is abusing alcohol; it sounds like they may need to get help for this and should not be getting drunk in your presence. Your parents have a duty to care for and look after you. This is not something that can be done while under the influence of alcohol.  

You have mentioned the word gaslighting and that you mother does that to you; this sounds like a form of emotional abuse. If your mother is starting arguments while under the influence of alcohol causing you to spend your evening crying and upset and cancelling any opportunity of you getting respite from this pain, they are causing you it is emotional abuse. Your mum should listen to and discuss feelings with you, not ignore them.  

From the message above it doesn’t sound as though your family home at present is a safe or healthy environment for you. It is vital that you know that you have the right to feel safe and protected and therefore you have the right to report these circumstances to the child and family agency Túsla. You can do this through their website on www.changingfutures.ie; here you can log your concerns so that they can look into it further and ensure your safety and protection. If you are ever in immediate danger, always contact the Gardaí on 112 or 999. I know you mentioned that you didn’t have your phone but where possible accessing a phone or someone else’s phone is ok when you feel in danger.  

Have you spoken to anyone else about this? Would you have a trusted adult maybe a grandparent, aunt or uncle, neighbour or teacher that could support you and possibly give you a safe place to stay when your mum is drunk? Having an adult, you trust that can help you if and when you need them is very important. They may be able to speak with your mum about getting support or offer to look out for you on times when mum struggles to. It is so important that you have a network of support around you. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it’s important you know it’s not your fault.  

If you feel you cannot reach out to anybody in your life at the moment you can always talk to our Childline team. You can contact us any time of day, 7 days a week by phone 1800 66 66 66 or by Live Chat on our website www.childline.ie. This is another confidential service and they will not tell you what to do instead they will actively listen and discuss what options are available to you.  

We hope that some of the above information is helpful to you and that you get the support you deserve. You are not alone in this. we hear you and we hope you get the right support very soon.  

Look after yourself,  

Alex 

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