Alex's Answer
Is this bad or not
Your Question
My parents slap my butt or touch my thighs. I was 9 years old while they were both around 47, and I don’t know what that meant. My dad slapped my butt and touched my thigh multiple times even though I made it clear I was uncomfortable, and even told him. He told me he would stop doing it, but it seems like he forgot and did it again. For my mom, she also slapped my butt and used to touch me unexpectedly. She also made comments on my body and how hot it looked even though I was 9. I told her I was uncomfortable with it but she said “we are both girls, it doesn’t matter.” So I want to know, is this bad/sa or not?
Answer
Hi and welcome to Ask Alex,
Thank you for getting in touch with us here at Ask Alex and sharing what is going on for you. Having a place to question and write out what our thoughts and feelings are is important in express ourselves and understanding things a little bit clearer.
You have mentioned in your question that you “have been slapped on your butt and touched on your thigh many times by your dad”. You also mentioned that “you made it clear to your dad that it made you uncomfortable and he said he would stop but that he has done it again after saying this”. You also tell us that your “mom slapped your butt and used to touch you unexpectedly, on top of that that she would make comments on your body and how hot it looked”. You have said that “you told her you were uncomfortable with this, but she said “we are both girls, it doesn’t matter”.
We are sorry to hear that you have spoken to your parents about their actions and that they are not taking your feelings on board when they are saying they will stop but don’t, and if they are trying to push it off by saying “we are both girls” when you have highlighted that it made you uncomfortable.
You have the right to feel safe and comfortable in your home and your feelings should be respected. It is important that you know that no body has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or touch you in area’s that make you feel uncomfortable. It would be considered unusual that a parent is commenting on “how hot your body looked”, and after saying you were not comfortable with it saying “we are both girls it doesn’t matter”. This is not an appropriate answer or way of dealing with it. You have the right to be heard and listened to, especially by those that are your primary carers.
Would you have a trusted adult in your life that you feel you could talk to about this, it could be a teacher, grandparent, aunty/uncle, someone maybe you see on a regular basis that you would be able to talk to. They may be able to help you in looking at what you can do and where you can go for support.
You can also link with Túsla, the social work department on the changing futures website at www.changingfutures.ie/contact. Here you can talk about what is going on for you and the social worker will guide and support you.
You can always talk with our Childline team too, on the freephone number 1800 66 66 66 or through our webchat service, by clicking on the purple Messenger circle at www.childline.ie. We will listen and support you in the decision you want to make to ensure your safety and needs are being meet. We are here 24-hours a day, every day of the year offering a confidential, non-judgmental service.
We hope that the above information will help you and please keep linking in and looking for supports,
Alex