Pat's Answer

Is it sexual assault if your boyfriend tries to have sex with you without asking if it's what you want to do?

Your Question

Is it sexual assault if your boyfriend tries to have sex with you without you saying if you want to 

Answer

Welcome to Ask Alex. 

We would like to thank you for trusting us with your thoughts and what is going on for you. You have made a positive and strong step forward by asking your question and we would like to praise you for this.  

It sounds like you’re asking if it is sexual assault if your boyfriend tries to have sex with you without your consent (permission). This is a serious question, and we would like you to know that no one has a right to touch you in any way without your consent. You can find out more about consent here: https://www.childline.ie/consent and here: https://www.childline.ie/sex-and-consent. Being in a relationship with someone does not entitle them to take advantage of you or your body, and if you are not comfortable or ready to engage in sexual activities then you have the right to say no and they should respect that. Our relationships should be built on trust, respect and understanding.  

It can be extremely helpful and important to discuss this with a trusted adult. This could be a family member such as a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent or even someone outside the family such as a teacher, coach or guidance counsellor. The trusted adult may be able to help you to link in with the appropriate services which can give you a better understanding of what is going on for you. Looking after ourselves is so important for our physical and mental health, knowing your body is you own and nobody else has a right to interfere with it without your consent is particularly important. 

If you feel you are not yet ready to speak with an adult in your life at the moment, then please remember that Childline is here for you. You can reach out to talk or chat to us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and our services are free and confidential. You can talk to us by phone 1800 66 66 66 or chat to us one-to-one on our webchat on www.childline.ie or by text on 50101. We will not judge anything you say to us or tell you what to do. We will look at what options may be available to you, with you.     

You might want to look at other organisations that offer services regarding sexual assault such as the National Sexual Violence Specialist, you can visit their website here: www.rcni.ie. Tusla and the HSE (Health Service Executive) also have information on sexual assault and ways to seek treatment for sexual assault cases, their websites are https://www2.hse.ie/sexual-assault-treatment-units/ and www.tusla.ie . If you require urgent assistance/are in immediate danger, please call the emergency services for free on 112 or 999. 

We hope that you find the information provided above useful and again, we would like to thank you for reaching out to Ask Alex. You have made the first step by speaking out here, please continue to look for the help and support you deserve.  

Look after yourself. 

Alex. 

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