Alex's Answer

Is it ok for someone to touch me without my consent

Your Question

Is it okay if my step dad massage my shoulder and touches my hips without any of my consent 

Answer

Hi there, thank you for getting in touch with Ask Alex.

You are so brave in reaching out with what is going on for you at the moment. You are wondering if it is okay for your step dad to touch your shoulder and hips without your consent. It sounds like this may have happened more than once, and that it is something that makes you uncomfortable, would that be correct? This must be really hard for you as it can make you feel ashamed, guilty or uncomfortable, and it is not nice to have those feelings at home.  

 

Have you spoken to anyone else about this? This could be another parent, sibling, friend or teacher. They may help provide a listening ear and support your feelings through this. It is important that your feelings are heard and validated. We understand that this is a complicated area but it may help to talk to someone who could help having a conversation with your step dad – such as expressing that when he touches your shoulder or hips it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable and that you would like this to stop.

It is good to ask about consent and this may be something you wish to talk about further. Consent is giving permission for something to happen, and some people may feel differently about what needs consent and what doesn’t and that’s why sometimes it can be a hard conversation to have.  

 

When you asked if your stepdad touching you like is he is doing is okay, we wonder are you asking if this is a form of abuse; you may find this article helpful to read: www.childline.ie/what-is-abuse/. It is worth keeping this in mind, in case these behaviours do change and that you know support is out there for you. Know that you have the right to feel safe. If you do not feel safe at any time you can always contact emergency services such as 999 or 112.  

 

Maybe you would prefer to talk about this further with someone else that you don’t know, such as one of the Team here at Childline. You are always welcome to contact us at Childline. You can reach out to talk or chat to us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and these services are free and confidential. You can talk to us by phone 1800 66 66 66 or chat to us on our webchat at www.childline.ie , just click on the Orange Live Chat tab.

You are not alone, Childline is here for you. We can help you look at what options are available to you; we can help you decide what your next step is. Take care of yourself,  

Alex

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