Pat's Answer
I’m trans ftm and in an all girls school. My parents know but make me feel like it’s a bad thing for me to be.
Your Question
Hi, I’ve been feeling pretty low. I’m trans ftm and in an all girls school. My parents know but make me feel like it’s a bad thing for me to be, but somehow okay for other people? I’ve tried talking yo them but they brush me off. i just want to feel supported, instead if feeling trapped in my own home. School is usually my safe space but its getting hard to cope with dysphoria that comes with constant misgendering.I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live anymore, but I’m scared to die. Help?
Answer
Hi, you are welcome to Ask Pat,
You are saying that you identify as trans, female to male, and that you are feeling low because, although you seem to have a safe space which is your school, your parents aren’t as supportive as you would like them to be, and you are missing that back up. You also say you are being misgendered at school. All of this is making you feel like you don’t want to live anymore and that scares you, and so you are asking for help.
First of all, thank you for sharing. We know it is not easy to come forward and speak up about what worries us or hurts us. You are being very brave doing so. We will try to help as much as we can.
We reckon coming out wasn’t easy. It is normally a very intense process, and one that often calls for support from the people you love. Sometimes, the people you love and need the most to understand what you are going through have difficulties understanding or accepting what it is you are going through. That happens to everyone who must deal with something they weren’t expecting as it means there was a previous idea of what that something was “supposed” to be. Accepting something has changed involves dropping the previous idea and that takes time for some people, as it works as a process of loss. It looks like your parents could be going through this process themselves. It seems like you could both use some support to go through this journey together.
There are different organizations around the country which offer this kind of support to parents and individuals. Transgender Equality Network Ireland www.teni.ie offers general, peer and family support. BelongTo can be of assistance as well www.belongto.org, as they support the LGBTI+ community. I also found a list of resources for you with different services in different areas of the country that maybe suit you better: www.gendered.ie/support-services.
We are concerned about the fact that this situation leaves you feeling and saying that you don’t want to live anymore. We are very sorry you are feeling so sad. We want you to know you are not alone in this. Please note there are organisations like Pieta House that specialize in supporting people in crisis who are experiencing suicidal ideation; they have a 24h helpline: https://www.pieta.ie/how-we-can-help/helpline/.
Also, if you ever feel the urge to talk to someone, you can call us at Childline. We will listen to you talk about your feelings and emotions, about your concerns around this situation with your family, or whatever you would like to talk to us about. Childline will offer you support twenty-four hours a day, every day. The service does not judge you nor will we tell you what to do, but we can help you look at options that may be available to you. The service is accessible to you in multiple of ways, by telephone at 1800 66 66 66, or by text at 50101 and we have live web chat which you can access through the website https://www.childline.ie as well.
Please stay in contact with us. Remember: “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”. Childline will be here to listen and support you all the way.
Stay safe,
Pat