Alex's Answer
I’m still grieving my ex-boyfriend's death a year later, is that okay?
Your Question
is it ok to still grieve my ex boyfriend a year later? i met him when i was 13 and i fell in love with him and waited for him to make up his mind for so long and then he got cancer. we eventually got together but broke up. he died at the end of last year and it completely changed my life. i couldnt eat or sleep and it feels like i can never love the same way i did without being scared he’ll get sick or die
Answer
Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.
Thank you for contacting us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share how we’re feeling, or what’s going on for us, but we also know how important it is to talk about it.
We are so sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend, it sounds like he meant a lot to you. It is understandable that you feel changed by this loss and that you are still grieving for him. There is no set timeframe for grief, you may find that your life will grow around the grief rather than it coming to an end. The good news is that you will develop the resilience and strength to carry it, but for now you may feel like you are taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. You may find it helpful to read about the The Stages of Grief, developed by a psychiatrist called Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, you can find out more here: https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief. It’s important to remember that there is no specific order to the stages and that not everyone will go through each stage.
Falling in love and caring for someone else means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in many ways, including to the potential loss of the person from our lives. It sounds like you may need some time and some healing before starting that process again, and that’s fine. Take the time, be kind to yourself, feel and work through your feelings, take each day as it comes rather than focusing on whether you will love the same way again.
Do you have any trusted adult in your life that you could talk to about this? Your thoughts and feelings are so important, and it is vital that you have someone you can turn to when you need some support.
It’s important to remember you’re not alone in this, Childline are always here to listen when you need to talk about whatever is on your mind. If you ever feel like chatting to us, you are very welcome to call anytime on 1800 66 66 66 or you can also contact us online by visiting our website: www.childline.ie. All of our services are free, available 24 hours a day and are confidential and non-judgmental.
Thank you for contacting Ask Alex, we hope this has helped.
Take care,
Alex.