Alex's Answer
I’m embarrassed about my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis and don’t want anyone to know about it
Your Question
Hi Alex, I’m embarrassed by my diagnosis of BPD… Got diagnosed in December with bipolar disorder, and I guess I’m embarrassed none of my friends know nobody knows apart from my parents and CAMHS… I don’t want people to know but I also wish I was normal and not this freak that I feel I am, I don’t want to talk to my parents or anyone about it even if u think it will help, I just don’t want to know about my diagnosis… I hate it, I hate me, I hate meds, I hate therapy(I quit) I wish I could go somewhere anywhere and be alone no humans no noise nothing just me and quietness and be alone all by myself
Answer
Hi there,
Thank you for getting in touch with us here at Ask Alex today.
You’re saying you got diagnosed in December with bipolar disorder and not many people know this apart from your parents and CAMHS. Thank you for sharing this with us, we think you’re very brave to talk about it as we understand it’s not an easy thing for you to share.
It sounds like a lot to deal with on your own as none of your friends know about your diagnosis, would that be right? What is your relationship like with your friends in general? If one of your friends was in your position, where they had received a diagnosis and shared that with you, what would you do? We imagine you’d listen to your friend, not judge them and that you’d try to support them as much as you could because you care about them. What way do you think your friends would react if you were to talk to them about what is going on for you? We understand this can be tough to do but oftentimes, it can be helpful to share our feelings, thoughts and experiences with someone, especially with those that care about us and our wellbeing.
You mention that you hate your diagnosis, and you wish you were normal. Bipolar disorder affects one in every 100 people, so you are absolutely not a freak. Here are some articles on the Spunout website, written by young people who have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder. Maybe you might like to take a look at them and see that you are not alone in getting a diagnosis or in how you feel.
https://spunout.ie/voices/experiences/how-cope-mental-health-diagnosis
https://spunout.ie/voices/experiences/experience-living-bipolar-affective-disorder
https://spunout.ie/voices/experiences/dealing-stigma-living-with-bipolar
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition, and you have the right to receive help and support in the treatment of it, just like any health condition. You say you hate meds and therapy, what have they been like for you in the past? It’s important that you have a therapist you feel comfortable with, and that you can talk to so that you can be supported. Maybe this is something you could have a chat about with your parents so they can assist you in getting support that works for you.
You also mention wanting to be alone, with no noise, just quiet. Have you ever tried any mindfulness exercises? They can help you to be present in the moment and to quiet your mind. Here is an article with exercises to try, maybe you could give them a go: https://spunout.ie/mental-health/self-care/try-mindfulness-exercises
We are also always here for you at Childline, sometimes it might be easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know. We have a couple of online services, a chat service (www.childline.ie) and our text service (50101), where there will always be someone to listen to you. And we also have our phone service (1800 66 66 66), which too is open 24/7. These are spaces for you to share as much or as little as you would like about what is going on for you at the moment or anything at all that may be on your mind.
Thank you for getting in touch with us today, we think you are incredibly brave to share what’s going on for you right now.
Take care,
Alex