I'm a boy and I've developed feelings for my friend who is lesbian. What can I do to stop these feelings for her?
I am in a friend group of 4 people and 1 of them is a lesbian girl. (I am a boy) I recently developed feelings for her and have no idea what to do because I just want to be friends with her and can’t stop these feelings for her. What do I do?
Hi there and thank you for reaching out.
You say you have developed feelings for a girl in your group who is a lesbian and that you are finding it hard to be friends because you cannot stop your feelings for her and you’re ask us what you can do.
First of all, we don’t decide who we fall in love with and that can be tricky sometimes. The fact that she is sexually attracted to women means she won’t be able to feel the same way about you and that needs to be respected. It seems you are trying to let go and be her friend, but for now, you haven’t been able to do so.
Secondly, it generally takes time to leave the feelings we have for someone aside, and it normally starts by accepting the fact that what we feel for them will never be reciprocated. Let’s look at it from another perspective: if a boy came to tell you he liked you, would he stand a chance? Probably not, because you are attracted to girls. How you feel about imagining that scenario is pretty close to what the girl you are in love with now would feel if you told her about your feelings. It is important and helpful to admit to yourself you have a crush on someone who is not obtainable, like a celebrity or a fictitious character. At the end of the day, when we imagine what a good, healthy and happy relationship would look like with someone, we generally picture someone who wants us back and loves us for who we are. She cannot do that, so she is not the right person for you.
Thirdly, it is going to hurt a bit for a while, maybe you will need time apart from her to work through the crush and to do some healing. Give yourself some time to grieve, sit with your feelings; it’s normal to feel frustrated and let-down that it’s not to be. Be kind to yourself, spend time doing things that make you happy and get enough sleep, exercise, good, healthy food and stay hydrated. It could help to talk to someone you trust too, be that a good friend or a parent or another important adult in your life. If you feel you cannot talk about this with them, you can always give Childline a ring and we will support you at any time. We can be reached through the free number 1800 666666 or by using the live chat in www.childline.ie.
We hope this cleared things up for you and that after the healing is done, you can find what you are looking for.