Alex's Answer

I was pressured into a relationship

Your Question

 I got pressured into a relationship with this guy. I did like him at first but then i started totalling to him and noticed lots of red flags. He’s sexist, racist, transphobic, openly homophobic etc. He beats people up and does drugs such as weed and cocaine. He’s 13 and i’m 13. He confessed his feelings to me while he was drunk. I didnt like him at that time, i saw too much red flags but i was afraid to put myself at harm if i said no. I don’t want to break up with him because i feel like he would hurt me physically. He makes jokes that makes me uncomfortable and i don’t know what to do. I haven’t told an adult about this because i’m too scared. What do i do?

Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex. 

It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time at the moment so thanks for reaching out.  We understand it’s not and easy thing to do. 

You say that you were pressured into a relationship and that you don’t like him as he has too many red flags but you are afraid to break up with him because you feel he would hurt you, is that right? 

The first thing to remember is that no one has the right to pressure you into a relationship or make you do anything with out your consent.  Relationships can be really difficult, but they should be based on trust, respect and communication.  You can read more about relationships here https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-a-healthy-relationship/, https://www.childline.ie/these-are-the-characteristics-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/. 

No one has the right to hurt you or make you feel unsafe.  If you ever feel unsafe in a situation, you can contact the Gardaí on 999 or 112, as it’s their job to make sure everyone stays safe.  

You say that you are too scared to speak to an adult.  We feel that speaking to an adult we trust can be a really good thing.  Is there an adult in you life that you could speak to, such as a family member, a relative, a coach or a youth worker?  Sometimes it can be difficult to find the words when we ask for help, so you could try writing down what’s going on for you and giving it to an adult? 

You could also get in touch with us here at Childline.  Childline is here to listen. Childline services are free, confidential, non-judgemental and are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can contact Childline by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through our web chat on www.childline.ie. You can start a chat by clicking on the Orange Tab on the right-hand side of your screen.

Take care of yourself, 

Alex. 

 

 

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